We (I) didn't get much sleep last night. After Bailey got sick she went to bed pretty easily and slept for about 4 hours. But then around 11:30pm she woke up screaming. We ran in and calmed her down with a bink and she went back to sleep right away. But about an hour later she was up again, screaming. And then an hour after that, and an hour after that until we just gave up and brought her into bed with us (me). She slept fitfully, and kept throwing her arms around and moaning/crying in her sleep. Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep after that, and gave up around 7am, when I brought her downstairs with me to give her a bottle. She's been fussy since she woke up and I know she's not feeling well, so I put her down for a nap and am watching her on the monitor while I type this. She's (finally) sleeping somewhat peacefully.
Scott wasn't lucky enough to get a snow day today (just a 2-hour delay), and he was definitely bummed. He had his heart set on being able to stay home today with Bailey and me, and I could see how miserable he was when he said goodbye to Bailey this morning. I watched him lean down to give her a kiss goodbye, and she smiled up at him like she always does and reached up both hands to grab at his face...so cute. While I was watching them, I couldn't help thinking how different things are now from the way they were just a year ago.
This time last year we were only talking about what we'd do with a baby in the house, but the idea of actually having one in here seemed soooooo far off. We were completely selfish in that we did what we wanted when we wanted and where we wanted. Now, we have to plan in advance if we want to do something "off-schedule", and I can't remember the last time we had a date night where it was just the two of us. A year ago, I'd sit down with a cup of coffee and read a book for hours. Now, I'm lucky if I can wolf down a quick cup of coffee in the morning, and my reading is limited to Dr. Seuss. A year ago, I'd (stupidly) spend money on Starbucks and things that I thought were "cool" but didn't really need. Now, I spend money on diapers and baby wipes and Gerber baby foods. Last year, I took naps whenever I felt like it. I went to bed late and slept in on the weekends. Now, I'm lucky if I sleep through the night without being woken up by a screaming baby and I don't have the option of napping during the day. Waking up at 6am is considered "sleeping in" for me.
So much has changed since Bailey was born that it sometimes feels like I'm living a completely different life, and I guess that, in a way, I am. I quit my job to stay home with Bailey so that we didn't have to put her in daycare, and was lucky enough to be able to open my own home daycare. Sometimes, I miss "going" to work. Having a reason to wake up and put makeup on or flat iron my hair. I miss actually leaving the house sometimes (although now I leave the house as often as I can on the weekends), and I sometimes miss all the "adult" interaction I used to have before I became a mom. Sometimes, there's a teeny teeny tiny miniscule part of me that questions whether or not I made the right decisions these last few months. But then I look at my daughter and I watch her face light up when she sees me walk into the room, and I absolutely cannot even fathom doing a single thing differently than I have in the last year.
I watch her playing with her toys or sitting in Scott's lap while they watch tv and I can't help but think how lucky I am. It's not always easy. Our house may be small, our cars may break down, we may never have money. But we have a fantastic life. We have wonderful friends. Our family is beautiful. We have the most amazing little girl in the world.
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