The Waiting Game

I'm veering "off-topic" again and using this post to give everyone a quick update about my surgery.  Let me start with an apology and some gratitude to all of you first.  I didn't realize how many of you were following this blog and keeping tabs on both Bailey and myself...until my Facebook was inundated with messages from all of you kind people asking how I was doing after surgery and if I got the biopsy results back.  Before I got all those messages, it honestly never occurred to me to post an update on here.  I didn't think that so many of you would be thinking of me and wondering how I was doing, and I'm touched by, and thankful for, your concern.

So, here's an update...

I had three moles removed last Tuesday, and was put under anesthesia.  I was SO nervous about being put under, but everything went well and I had no crazy side effects to it.  Looking back, I think I was mostly afraid of not waking up once they put me under.  I always read these crazy horror stories of people going under anesthesia for simple procedures and then they end up in a coma or dead.  So in the back of my mind I was sort of terrified.  Call me dramatic, but I've never kissed Bailey so much or told her I loved her more often than I did when I put her to bed the night before my surgery.  By the time I finally laid her in her crib she was trying to twist out of my arms and making all kinds of disgruntled noises...poor thing!

Anyway, I felt great when I woke up from surgery.  I had closed the daycare for the day and my mom was kind enough to take care of Bailey all day so that I could rest.  I ended up sleeping most of the afternoon (which I never get to do), and was pretty sore when I woke up.  While I was in recovery (right after the procedure), the surgeon came out to talk to my mom, and told her that there's a chance that one of the moles he removed could be melanoma (skin cancer), and that when the biopsy results came back and we knew for sure that we'd discuss treatment options.  Great...

I refused to think about it too much.  In fact, I'm still not  letting myself think about it too much.  I don't want to think about dealing with something that major right now, and I refuse to think about being sick enough that I can't be the mother that I want to be to Bailey.  I just can't let my mind go there yet...not until we know for sure.

I had the appointment to have my stitches removed yesterday, and was able to have them all removed.  Originally, I was told that, because of the placement of the moles and the stitches, I would need to get some removed in one appointment and the rest removed in another appointment.  Fortunately, I was able to have all of them removed in one shot.  The scarring is, in a word, ugly.  Right now they're all raised, dark, and pretty bruised.  The doctor mentioned that the scarring on my chest would be "significant" because of how close to the bone it is.  Looks like I'll be investing in some Mederma down the road!  Actually, I'll probably just say "screw it" and own the scars like I have all the others.  In any case, there's not much I can do about it at this point anyway.  But I'm getting off-topic.  

The results of the biopsies weren't back yet yesterday.  I have to call Thursday morning to find out.  I stupidly was kind of relieved to not know the results yet.  I'm sure everything is fine, but there's a part of me that is just terrified that they're going to tell me I have skin cancer.  And I just couldn't bear to hear it, not then anyway.  As awful as it is to have to wait even longer to know for sure, at least I'll have time to psych myself up to hear whatever they have to say.  Either way, we'll get through it...and now I'll be even more diligent about my own health.  

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Bailey is doing fantastically, but has begun to develop quite the attitude when things don't go her way.  Scott and I are going to have a hell of time breaking her of that soon.  I'd love to update more on Bailey, but my little darling just woke up from a nap...and is pulling the bumpers off her crib.  Ahh, the beauty of the video monitor.  I can see everything she's up to, and she has no clue.  She's given up on demolishing the bumper, and is now laying there screaming.  Time to go get her!  Check back soon for a better update! 

It's Been Awhile...

Long time, no post!  Bailey has been sick for the last few weeks and my attention has been 100% on her and getting her back to health, so the blog had to be abandoned for a bit.  But we're back!

Bailey started off with some congestion a little over two weeks ago.  It didn't really bother her, so Scott and I just put on her humidifier at night and let her be.  I took her to the doctor for chest congestion, the doctor thought she might have just been fighting a virus, and she was put on a z-pack for five days.  She got her last dose of the z-pack on a Sunday and the following Tuesday we realized that he chest congestion was not only no better than before, but it had actually become worse.  That night she started coughing, and it was such a hard cough that her face would turn bright red and she'd be gasping for air when she was finished.  I called the after-hours line at her doctor's office that night, and was told to get her in to the office the next day and that she would most likely be started on a steroid.

Turns out she had bronchiolitis (most likely stemming from complications from undiagnosed RSV)...and it was awful.  She was put on a steroid for six days, in addition to a ten day antibiotic.  Her cough just kept getting worse and worse, and she'd gasp for air by the time she was finished.  We had her sleep sitting up in the carseat in her crib and had her cool mist humidifier going round the clock for her.  She was always worse first thing in the morning and right before bed at night.  Her breathing was just terrible; it sounded like she was on a ventilator every time she took in a breath.  You could actually feel the rattle in her chest when you were holding her.  I ended up having to close the daycare one day last week because she was just so sick.  She coughed so hard she'd end up throwing up.  Oh, I felt so bad for her and so helpless because there wasn't much we could do other than give her the meds and keep her comfortable while she rode it out.  It was awful for her and scary for us, and a nightmare all-around.  She's still finishing up her antibiotic, but is just about back to normal and happy as ever!

Bailey is 8 months old now, and continues to amaze me every day.  She's (sort of) starting to try and pull herself up on things, and can balance on her knees pretty well in her crib.  She claps and waves and has recently started to "make Indian noises" where she says "Aaaahhh" and pats her mouth with her hand.  It's hilarious to watch her do it, and she does it in response to us now.  She played peek-a-boo with me for the first time on her own yesterday.  And she says "mama" now!  Scott says she actually says it when she wants me and that she knows that I'm "mama".  I'm not sure if that's true, but I'd really like to believe it!  

We're branching out in terms of what foods she's eating these days, too.  In addition to the usual fruits and vegetables, we've started to work in "meals" like chicken and rice, and she loves them!  She's getting really good at using her jaw (and those two tiny teeth!) to mash up the food and she's really interested in eating.  She also loves baby snacks, like Baby Mum Mums, Gerber Puffs, and Yogurt Bites.  As soon as she sees one of the yogurt bites, her eyes get all big and she gets really excited.  And she has definitely perfected her pincher grasp when it comes to picking up food and feeding herself.  Bailey is a VERY good eater!

She's amazing and happy and funny, and it just keeps getting better!

*Another quick update...

A few posts ago, I had written about my own health issues and how I had moles that needed to be removed.  Well, I had an appointment with my plastic surgeon on Monday and thought I was going to be getting them all removed that day.  The doc used a purple pen on my skin to show me what the scars will look like (length, width, etc.) and I have to say...it ain't pretty.  Worse than I'd thought, actually.  But. I guess a few more not-so-pretty scars is better than the alternative.  

Anyway...turns out I couldn't have the moles removed that day.  Because of their locations and because the procedure will be so "involved", I'll have to go to the hospital and be put under anesthesia and have the removal done that way.  I'm not really sure how I feel about this.  On the one hand, I'll be nicely sedated and not as nervous as I'd normally be.  But on the other hand, being "put under" in and of itself makes me nervous.  There are risks with it (ones that I've been made fully aware of), and I know that this particular procedure really isn't a dangerous one.  But the whole aspect of my being under anesthesia and not in control freaks me out.  I could just be paranoid (and a big part of me thinks that I definitely am), but I can't help feeling nervous.  And that's just having them removed!  It's not even the nerves I'll have waiting for the results of the biopsies to come back.  Geez.  I go for my pre-admission bloodwork on Friday and will be having the surgery the following Tuesday.  I'm closing the daycare for the day (was told that I'll be unable to drive and will need someone to take me to and from the hospital), and my mom will have Bailey for me so that I can come home and rest afterwards.  I'm definitely not looking forward to the procedure or the discomfort I know I'll feel afterwards, but at least I'll have the suspicious moles removed and will find out where to go from there if I need further treatment.  Cross your fingers for me!