More Confessions

Last night, I got a text from my friend Lauren, who has 2 kids the same age as Bailey and Gerry.  We both ended up commiserating about the fact that we're having a bit of a rough time with a toddler prone to tantrums and an infant that's not sleeping very well, working, and trying to keep the house from becoming a hazardous wasteland.  This, for some reason, got me thinking about my last confession post and I realized that I may have some more confessing to do.

A couple months ago, a friend of mine asked me my honest opinion on having kids and said that, from what I write, I seem very content and happy.  I really, really am.  But there are always moments when I sit back and think to myself, what the hell have I gotten myself into?  Last night was one of them...between Bailey, who seems to think she can have a mini meltdown when she doesn't get her way, and Gerry, who thinks it's just awesome to stay up all freakin' night, I started to wonder what people would think if they spent a normal day with us.  Which led me to thinking about my little "mom confessions".  Maybe some of you can commiserate...

.....this morning I told Gerry that he sucked.  He was up four times last night between the hours of 11pm and 5am...four times!  I was changing his diaper a little after 5 and he was looking at me with this big grin on his face like he knew that he'd won and I smiled back at him and said in a sing-songy voice, "I love you, little man, but you suck."  It felt kind of good.

.....I need to do a better job of "watching my language".  Bailey has picked up quite a few choice phrases from me, her favorite being "damn".  She uses it with surprising accuracy in conversation..."Mom, can you fix this damn thing?"  I consider myself lucky she hasn't dropped a few well-placed F-bombs into any conversations but, really, I need to watch what I say.  Scott has done a surprisingly good job of not using any questionable language within earshot of Bailey.  I, on the other hand, need some practice.

.....I bought Scott a Kindle Fire for Christmas and Bailey has used it 1000 times more than he has.  And I'm okay with that, because it gives me a much-need break sometimes.  She knows how to turn it on, go to Netflix, and put on one of her shows (she's been obsessed with My Little Pony these days) and she'll happily hang out in her room for an hour watching "the little tv".

.....I'm starting bad habits with Gerry.  I cannot...cannot...get this kid to sleep in his crib.  I've tried to put him in there for naps every day but he wakes up after about 20 minutes and then never goes back to sleep.  Thank God he's never truly fussy and is happy to lay there and play with his hands for a few minutes before deciding that he doesn't want to be in there anymore, but come on.  20 Minutes?  I haven't even bothered to try putting him in there at night.  He's still in the cradle in our room.  Actually...more often than not, he spends the majority of the night in our bed.  The second he wakes up in the middle of the night, it's game over.  He's awake and ready to party and God help us if we don't want to party with him.  Even after we've fed him and changed him, 9 times out of 10, he refuses to go back to sleep unless he's in bed with us. 

.....the other day I accidentally fell asleep when Bailey was (supposed to be) napping.  I was exhausted from getting very little sleep the night before and I passed out for a good 45 minutes.  I woke up and went to check on her in her bedroom...she wasn't there.  I found her in the bathroom standing on top of the toilet, with no pants on, her face covered in a little bit of every single jar and tube of makeup I own, smearing toothpaste on the window.  She turned around and saw me staring at her like this

 

 and she goes, "Uh, mommy?  You go back to nap?"  It could have been worse...but I should have known better.

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I'm sure I have a million and one other confessions, but both kids are up and raring to go right now, so those will have to wait for another time.  What are some of your confessions?

Playing Catch Up...Again

Last week the power cord to Scott's my laptop came to a sad and untimely death, complete with sparks and a foul smell.  So I've been without the laptop for almost 10 days now.  I could have easily updated the blog on my phone or kindle, but it's just much easier to do it on the computer.  So I hadn't written anything in awhile.  Not that much has happened, but still.

Shall I catch up with a bulleted list?  In the words of my niece, I don't see why not!

• Gerry had a crappy night's sleep last night.  And the night before.  Which means that Scott and I had a crappy night's sleep.  We'd been the lucky the last 3 nights or so; he'd been sleeping about 6-8 hours solid.  Then last night I put him to bed just before 9.  He woke up at 1am.  And again at 2:15.  And again at 3.  And again at about 4:05.  And again just before 5.  It was like having a freakin' newborn all over again.  He sucked down 4oz every time he woke up, too, so it's not even like I could say he was just up to be up.  Poor boy was hungry!  "They" say that when a baby is going through a crappy sleep phase it means that he/she is mastering a new skill (ie; rolling, sitting up, etc.).  Well, I don't know what skill Gerry's working on, but it better be a doozy because I am not one for the zombie life. 
• I have another appointment with the neurosurgeon next month.  I saw his nurse practitioner a few weeks ago and she ordered new x-rays and a new MRI, and then we'll schedule the surgery at my appointment in May.  I'm sort of, kind of, dreading it...and I'm definitely not looking forward to the recovery.  She says it shouldn't be too bad at all, but I know there won't be much "recovering" going on with two kids and a home daycare.  I am, however, very excited to possibly finally be pain-free...for the first time in about ten years!
• Today is "Take your child to work" day.  Scott has a day full of meetings and won''t be teaching any classes, so he's taking Bailey in tomorrow morning instead.  Tonight when I was putting her to bed I reminded her that she was going to wake up early and go to work with daddy in the morning.  She got all excited, then gasped and said, "What am I gonna wear?!"  She ended up wearing the Hawaiian dress that Aunt Susan got her (she will wear this damn dress every day unless we sneak it into the laundry when she's not looking).
• I've decided that I need to get Gerry used to napping in his crib instead of in the swing.  Which is going to suck.  He takes GREAT naps in the swing...I'm talking a good 2-3 hours at a time.  But he can't sleep in there forever.  Yesterday, I napped him in his crib for the first time ever...big fat fail.  He didn't sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time and every little noise woke him up.  He was exhausted by bedtime, and still didn't sleep well overnight.  Still super happy, though, as always!

Love his smile...and those chubby legs!

Enjoying some time in the exersaucer

Modeling for the camera

Siblings <3

I keep chuckling at Scott's photobomb here  ;-)

Miss Independent

Bailey is becoming more and more independent, much to my chagrin.  She wants to do everything herself, .  whether it be getting dressed or brushing her teeth, opening doors or buckling herself in her car seat.  She doesn't need (an, more importantly, she doesn't want) any help at all.  And I'm not sure how I feel about that.

On the one hand, I'm insanely proud of how independent and self-sufficient she is at not-even-3-years-old.  She gets herself dressed and undressed without any help, and I never have to worry about her when it comes to maneuvering the stairs.  She's figured out how to buckle her car seat and she's able to lock and unlock most doors.  She's able to drink out of regular cups, and 9 times out of 10 she can pour things from one cup into another without spilling.  When she wants something she can't reach, she figures out a way to get it.  More often than not, unfortunately, this involves moving various pieces of furniture until she's able to climb to reach whatever it is she wants.  I know that, being her mother, I'm biased when it comes to things like this, but I really think that she's a bit ahead of most kids her age when it comes to these kinds of tasks.  I cannot believe how much she's already capable of doing on her own.

But, on the other hand, this newly discovered independence makes me so, so sad.  Tonight, I tried to help her get her pajamas on and she insisted on doing it all by herself.  When she got stuck trying to fit her head through an armhole, I was only allowed to sit on the couch and verbally talk her through it...she wouldn't let me touch her clothes or do it for her.  She took it upon herself to drag a chair over, take the fish food off the counter, and feed her fish...all without any help from me.  When she wants to go outside, she puts her shoes on...without my help.

And, just like that, she doesn't need me anymore.

Overnight, she became this whole other person.  Completely separate from me.  With her own abilities and strengths.  I feel like she becomes a little bit more grown up every day.  Don't get me wrong - I'm happy that she's able to navigate throughout the day with little help.  It gives me comfort to know that, if need be, she could do all these things for herself.  But there's a part of me...a GIANT part of me...that is sitting here and mourning the loss of the baby who was so dependent on me for so long.  I blinked, and she went from this teeny tiny little infant who needed me to do everything from feeding her to clothing her to bathing her and everything in between to a little girl who really doesn't need her mommy all that much.  A little girl who knows what she wants, who can decide things for herself, and who doesn't need help with very many things anymore.

I'm in awe of her and proud of her, and I absolutely adore the young girl that she's becoming.  I love that I'm the first person she comes running to when she learns to complete a new skill.  But I'll miss the days when she needed me.  I'll miss the days when I was her whole world.  The same part of me that cheers her independence today is mourning the fact that she needed me just a little bit more yesterday.  She's growing up before my eyes and, while I can't wait to see the person she becomes, I wish that I could slow down time just a little bit.

Stranger Danger

Every time I think I've come to "the hardest part" when it comes to parenting, life (and Bailey) throws something else at me that makes everything else seem like peanuts when compared.

I need to teach her about stranger danger.

Since she was teeny, Bailey has had a pretty outgoing personality.  She's not shy when it comes to sharing her feelings or playing with other kids, and it's just one of the many things that I love about her.  I don't want to stifle that part of her personality, but at the same time, I don't want her to feel quite so comfortable when it comes to talking to strangers, whether they be kids or adults.

I took her with me to Target the other day and made the mistake of letting her walk beside the cart instead of sitting inside of it.  Normally, she's pretty good about sticking close to me in a crowd, but she's been seriously testing her boundaries lately.  I turned my back for ONE SECOND to pick up a bottle of shampoo and she took off.  I started following her, but she knows at this point that I can't run because of my back, and she used that to her advantage.  I hustled along with my cart, trying not to make it obvious to other shoppers that I had a runner on my hands.  The closer I got to her, the faster she ran, until I almost lost her in a crowd at the end of an aisle.  I finally gave up, yelled her name, and told her to get back here now.  She knew I meant business then, and came back to the cart.  I didn't give her the option to walk anymore, and made her sit in the cart (crying, I might add) while I finished my shopping.  She was angry, I was angry, and we were both disappointed with how our shopping trip ended up (I promised to buy her nail polish while we were out, then made her put it back when she ran away).

Similar scene while at Rita's last night.  She kept inching away from me while I was ordering our water ice.  Telling her to come back was useless, and I ended up leaving my wallet sitting at the window and chasing her down before she ran into the parking lot.

I sat her down that night and tried to explain to her why she absolutely cannot run away from me when we're out in public.  I talked to her about strangers, and told her that if she runs away a stranger could take her and then I'd never see her again, and daddy and I would be so sad.  I don't know how much she got out of it, but she keeps mentioning "strangers" and "never see mommy again". 

I keep wondering if I went about this the wrong way.

Is there a "right" way to explain something like this to a toddler?  She's not even 3 yet, and I feel like there's SO MUCH that I need to shield her and protect her from.  How do I do that without making her afraid of everything?  I don't want her to lose her exuberance or her outgoing nature, and I don't want to make her a less-friendly person...but I also want her to know that not everyone is a friend and that there are some people in this world who can't be trusted.  How do I do that without taking away some of her wonder of the world around her?

Strange as it sounds, I feel like I'm taking away some of her innocence.  Does that make sense?  I feel like a little part of her childhood, the best part of her "kid-ness", has to die in order for her to learn this lesson.  And I hate that. 

So tell me, parents, how can I teach her about stranger danger without making her fearful of everything?

Gerry: 3 Months Old

Gerry is 3 months old today!  My, how time flies...

His latest trick now is that he's rolling over.  Not consistently, and I'm kind of inclined to think that 90% of the time it's completely unintentional and just the weight of his head rolling him over, but he's doing it nonetheless.  He gets this surprised look on his face every time, too, like How did I get here?

He's becoming quite a little chatterbox, making all kinds of sounds.  Sometimes he experiments with longer sounds, louder sounds...watching his teeny little lips open and close and twist to get his noises out cracks me up.  And it totaly makes his day when you acknowledge him and "answer" him back.  Then he's all smiles and chatting.

Speaking of smiles...he's doing that sooooo often these days!  He's been a chill baby from day one, but he's so HAPPY these days, too.  Smiling every chance he gets and anytime someone comes into his field of vision.  When he wakes up in the morning he usually starts off by grunting or fussing a little bit, looking for food.  But as soon as he sees me he gets this giant smile on his face and starts cooing at me, and it's the most fantastic way to start my day.  I remember when Bailey was an infant and used to do the same thing...I'll never get tired of it, and will treasure every single smile.

He's been sleeping pretty well.  Still in our bedroom, though we'll start transitioning him to the crib in his bedroom in the next month or two.  Technically, he's sleeping through the night according to most "practices", which consider 5 consecutive hours of sleep "sleeping through the night".  More often than not, we get a solid 6-7 hours straight out of him.  He wakes up once for a bottle, and then goes right back to sleep for a few more hours before getting up for the day.

I just adore him.  It's funny how, before they're born, you can't imagine what it'll be like having a baby.  But then, once they're here, you can't imagine your life without them.  These last 3 months with Gerry have been just wonderful, and we all love him to pieces.

Want to see some pictures from the last few weeks?  You do?  Okay...without further ado...

Always with the fingers in his mouth

Tummy Time!

Love the moustache bink

Easter Sunday  :-)

Bailey wanted to visit the Easter Bunny

Easter Sunday...Bailey was NOT feeling this picture

Love these two