Happy Birthday, Mom!

Today is my mom's birthday, and just wanted to take a minute and wish her a happy birthday!  She has no clue right now, but my dad is surprising her with a weekend away in Maryland.  His only instructions to her were to take a half day today and skip her Weight Watchers meeting tomorrow.  They leave around noon and will be back on Sunday.  Have fun, guys!

I hope when we're their age, Scott still surprises me!

All New Mommy Fears

I'm taking a minute to post about my doctor's appointment today and the whole new fear I have as a mom.

As many of you know, in addition to my cardiac issues, I have skin problems as well.  Specifically, dysplastic nevi syndrome.  In layman's terms, this means that I get moles on my body that start off normal, but eventually turn precancerous and need to be removed and biopsied.  I was 7 when my mom found the first mole.  Since then, I've had them removed and biopsied from my neck, finger, belly and back.  In all, I've had close to thirty removed; as one "kind" doctor put it, my back looks like a set of train tracks because of all the scars.

I'm supposed to go to the dermatologist yearly to have a "mole check" to make sure that I don't have any new moles and that the ones that I do have haven't changed in the course of the year.  I, however, am "lazy" when it comes to my health and I've put off the appointment since I had my last few moles removed...three years ago.  Let me rewind to 13 months ago, when I noticed a "suspicious" mole.  Again, I don't normally pay much attention to my health.  But I was 5 months pregnant and thought that my growing belly was absolutely wondrous, and would stare at it often as it got bigger and bigger.  I was getting in the shower one day in my fifth month when I noticed a new mole.  All the trademark signs were there:  it was big, assymetrical, more than one color, and I was almost positive that it needed to come off.  No way was I going to let someone cut into my stomach while I was pregnant, though, so I ignored it and avoided looking in that spot for the next few months. Once Bailey was born it was even easier to forget about the mole.  Between the sheer exhaustion of having a newborn at home and my own disgust at the stretch marks I now "proudly" sported, I never looked at my belly.

Fast forward to this week.  My friend Emily mentioned that she had a dermatologist appointment and I casually mentioned that I had a mole I thought I needed to be removed.  She got me a card from her office and kindly told me I better "get my ass to the doctor".  So I made an appointment for today.

I went in to the office pretty certain that the doc was going to tell me I needed to have that mole biopsied.  I wasn't prepared for her to tell me that there are two more in addition to that one that also need to be removed and biopsied (making three total).  After these three are removed and biopsied, my legs will be the only place on my body without a scar.  Sadly, that's not an exaggeration.

When the dermatologist asked me if I had any questions, the only one that came to mind was Will Bailey need to worry about this "syndrome" too?  The answer?  When she's a teenager, she'll need to start being seen yearly and having anything out of the ordinary documented and biopsied if need be.  Before she was born, I'd asked my cardiologist what the chances were of her having to deal with any of the cardiac issues I have.  I was told that we'd know pretty well around the time she's 9-years-old since that was when my issues presented themselves, but that IF it were to be "passed down", so to speak, it could present at any time.  Scott and I spent a good part of my pregnancy thinking, talking and debating this news and came to the conclusion that we'll take care of her however we have to if and when something like that occurs.  Ideally, she won't have any of the cardiac problems I have.  But I spent the rest of my pregnancy and all the months since feeling guilty that I could pass something like that  to her and hadn't even considered it when I got pregnant.

Now, hearing that she could possibly end up having to deal with the mole issues as well is heartbreaking, and I feel so, so guilty.  I may be lax when it comes to my health, but I would never be anything but completely cautious when it comes to Baileys.  Right now, she's sleeping next to me.  I'm looking at her and I can't imagine her sweet little body with scars like mine on it.  I hope that all the health issues completely bypass her.  And will be keeping a vigilant eye out from now on.

I made an appointment with my plastic surgeon to have the biopsies done in a few weeks.  Then it's wait and see what the results are.  I'm crossing my fingers that it's a simple procedure this time and that he can get all the cells without having to go back in.  But, given my history and the look on the dermatologists face when she saw the mole, I don't think it's going to be that easy.  Still keeping my fingers crossed, though.

On a more positive note...Bailey slept through the night again last night!  We're going on almost a week with absolutely NO middle-of-the-night wakings.  This morning I woke up and checked the baby monitor like I always do...and Bailey was already awake!  She wasn't fussing, wasn't yelling.  Just laying there with her arms in the air, waving her lovey around and playing with her blanket.  I couldn't believe it, and she had the biggest, happiest smile on her face when I went in to get her.  What a fantastic way to start our day!

7 Month Stats

Bailey had her 7-month check-up a few days ago and it went well!  She now weighs 18lbs. 4oz. and is 27inches long.  She got her last shot (we staggered her vaccines so that she never got more than one at a time) until the next round of vaccines at 12 months, and she doesn't go back to the doctor (barring any colds/illness) for another two months.  She cried when she got her shot, but I think it was more because she wasn't expecting it than anything.  She was totally fine after the needle went in, but she had this look of surprise on her face for a good few seconds, like she wasn't sure what to make of it, before she cried.  But she did great, and the tears stopped as soon as I picked her up.  All in all, a good visit.

At the risk of jinxing myself, I'd like to post that Bailey is FINALLY SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT!!!  She has slept no less than 9 full hours each night for the last four nights, not even waking up for her bink.  She's even started falling asleep on her own, which is fantastic.  She'll have her nighttime bottle, and usually dozes off while she's drinking it.  But lately, she's been semi-awake and sort of sleepily playful afterward.  Lots of smiling and sleepy giggles.  I indulge her (and myself) for awhile, smiling and cooing back and then, after a few minutes, I take her upstairs and lay her in her crib.  She laughs one more time, then grabs her lovey, rolls over, and just passes out.  I'm really loving this new nighttime routine.  And I'm so proud of her for doing it all by herself! 

I was invited to a movie and drinks for a mommies night out this Friday, and I'm excited!  But, strangely, kind of nervous, too.  I know it sounds stupid and I know that I need to go out and take a "mommy break".  But I feel kind of guilty, too.  Is that weird?  I love spending my time with Bailey, and I feel bad going out and leaving her at home.  I'm sure a therapist would have a field day with this one!  Sounds like I may have an unusual and somewhat unhealthy attachment to my baby...

Depending on Scott's plans, I'll probably go.  Hopefully, he has nothing going on (no games to clock, meetings for work, etc.) so he can stay with Bailey.  We'll see!

A Glimpse Into the Future

Last night I got a glimpse into Bailey's (and our) future and boy are we in trouble!  Bailey and I went to Marple to watch the Coaches vs. Cancer basketball game that Scott was clocking.  We caught the 8pm game (thankfully, Bailey took a late nap, so she wasn't grumpy at all!) and sat right behind Scott and the announcer.  Between both teams (the other team had coaches that only screamed), both sets of fans, music, etc. it was quite a noisy place to be on a Friday night!  I was worried that the noise would bother or scare Bailey, but she loved it.  She walked in the gym with a big smile on her face, and everyone who stopped us was treated to one of her huge smiles, complete with tongue sticking out. 

She hung out for the first quarter or so of the game...but then the boys behind us caught her eye.  She immediately started squirming in my arms and trying to get to them.  I turned her around, and took a quick peek.  Luckily, they seemed like a nice group of boys, about 9- or 10-years-old.  They were soooo sweet to her, telling me how adorable she was and asking me her name.  "Hi, Bailey!", "You're so cute, Bailey!" they kept saying.  Bailey kept smiling and making eyes at them, reaching out her hands to grab their fingers and holding out her arms for them.  She spent most of the second half of the game flirting with these boys, while Scott and I spent the second half shaking our heads and praying that she's a little less obvious by the time she's fifteen.

She was pretty bummed at the end of the game (which we lost, by the way) when her posse of boys had to leave and go home, but she handled it well.  She bounced back pretty quickly and, on our way out,  found an "older man" to flirt with in the form of Scott's friend and co-worker, Christian.  Little does she know he's getting married this summer...

And so Scott and I got our first glimpse into what the teen years will be like with our flirtatious little girl.  Luckily, we've got a few years before we have to really start worrying about the boys.  I must say, though, that neither on of us is particularly looking forward to that.  But, I guess we'll just cross that bridge when we come to it!

Mommy Is Clueless Sometimes...

Poor Bailey!  Those of you who have been following lately, Bailey hasn't been sleeping very well the last few nights and Scott and resorted to letting her "cry it out" for awhile to let her learn to soothe herself back to sleep.  She started to do pretty well with it after the first two nights, and would wake up once or twice, cry for a few minutes, then fall back to sleep.  It broke my heart to listen to her cry, but Scott and I kept telling ourselves that she needed to learn how to put herself back to sleep and that, in the long run, this would be good for her.  Well, we're kicking ourselves now because a second tooth just popped through right next to the first one.  THAT is why she wasn't sleeping well.  Not because she needs to learn to put herself to sleep (even though she very well may), not because she was bored or scared (although she might have been, who knows?).  She wasn't sleeping well because she was in pain.  And we just left her to cry herself back to sleep.  This is reason number one why I hate the Cry It Out method.  And I don't think we'll be doing it again for awhile.  Although, I doubt we'll need to.  As soon as I saw that tooth poking through, I gave Bailey Tylenol before bed that night, and she slept wonderfully.  She woke up once, and all she needed was a bink.  Same thing last night.  A small dose of Tylenol and she slept through the night.  And when she woke up this morning she was playing and talking in her crib.  I hate being a clueless mom!

So, yes, Bailey now has two teeth!  And I've learned a lesson...check to see if she's actually hurting before letting her cry!  

She's also started making a new noise...and I'm not sure I like it, silly as that sounds.  =)  In addition to all her babbling, she's started  making this noise where she sucks in her breath and then lets out an insanely high-pitched squeal.  She did it just about all day yesterday, every time she was happy...or bored...or hungry...or wanted attention...or was conscious.  She's very proud of her voice these days!

Bailey also discovered that when she cries she gets what she wants.  She had Scott and I both going for awhile, wrapped around her little finger like we are.  But then we realized, Hey.  She's not hungry or wet or tired.  She's smart.  Because she's learning that when she cries mommy and daddy jump.  Yesterday, she kept trying to grab my laptop.  "No, Bailey, that's mommy's.  Let's play with your Elmo!" I said to her.  The second I moved the laptop out of her reach she burst into tears and just stared at me angrily with red cheeks and teary eyes, all the while crying/babbling loudly.  Same thing when I wouldn't let her play with a knife.  And again when I gave back a toy that she swiped from one of the daycare kids.  She's a smart one, my Bailey.  I've gotta give her credit, though, for knowing what she wants and using whatever powers she has to get it.  I'm impressed that she figured that out...but I've got to break her of THAT habit quick!

She and I are going to Marple's Teachers vs, Cancer basketball game tonight.  Scott's clocking it, and Bailey and I are going to go watch the first game.  We'll see how she does with the crowd and the noise...

TGIF!!

Grabby Girl

It's 7am and Bailey is still sleeping.  No, she didn't sleep through the night last night...we're hoping that by the time she goes to Kindergarten we'll get a solid 8 hours out of her.  She was up a good 3 times last night.  Scott and I tried our modified cry-it-out.  She would doze off each time but then wake up again just a few minutes later.  At 3:30, I had Scott make her a bottle and I gave it to her in her crib while she was propped up on the Boppy.  She took the bottle and passed out in about 3 minutes, and has been sleeping soundly ever since.  I ran in to check on her a few minutes ago, and she's sleeping on her side holding onto her lovey with one arm and sucking her thumb.  So, so adorable.

Scott and I are noticing her moving and reaching for things A LOT more lately.  We had an impromptu dinner out last night, and she was sitting next to Scott in a highchair.  I had just finished feeding her, so Scott and I were starting on our own meals while Bailey played with her linking rings.  The next thing we knew, she had dropped the rings on the floor, reached over and grabbed Scott's plate.  She had Jack Daniels sauce all over her hands, and the plate almost on the floor...punk.  She's started doing this often now, where she'll just reach out and grab anything in her grasp.  This includes the table cloth (which she's pulled off on many occasions), cell phones, silverware, necklaces, and my hair.  I love that she's discovering what her hands can do...but could definitely do with a little less tugging of the hair!

Bailey has also started giving "kisses".  It's more like she grabs your face and leans in with her mouth wide open, but she does it when you say "Bailey, give mommy kisses", so I'm taking it for what (I like to think) it is!  She's also in a "mommy phase" right now.  For the last couple weeks, she's only wanted me.  When Scott picks her up, she's okay for a minute, then leans over and fusses, holding her arms out to me.  Same thing when other people hold her, or when I'm sitting near her on the floor.  I secretly love it, but I feel bad for Scott.  When she was just a few months old, she definitely showed a preference for her daddy and I hated it, so I know how he's feeling.  

Right now, she's sitting next to me (having woken up a little while ago) and is grabbing at my laptop.  Maybe she's looking for something to sink her tooth into.  Maybe she wants to watch it flip open and closed.  Maybe she just wants to update her Facebook status...who knows?  In any case, she's about to delete this entire post, so I better go.  

Til next time!

Sleep, Baby, Sleep

I'm feeling lots of mommy guilt right now.  For the last seven months (longer if you count the fact that I couldn't sleep the last few weeks of my pregnancy) we've been up at least once in the middle of the night...every night.  At first it was because Bailey was being fed every two hours.  Understandably, we were up every couple of hours during the night.  But as she got older, it dwindled and dwindled to the point where she doesn't get a bottle or a diaper change in the middle of the night anymore.  In fact, we don't even pick her up out of her crib.  She's only been waking once in the middle of the night for the last six weeks or so, and it's been as simple as Scott or me popping the bink back in her mouth and she immediately passes out again.  As annoying as it may be to have to get out of bed and walk down the hall JUST to put a pacifier back in her mouth, I haven't minded it all that much.  Until last night...

Bailey has been congested and coughing for the last few days and, of course, hasn't been sleeping well as a result.  Friday night she slept in her bouncer in the crib and woke up just about every hour or so from 11pm to about 7am when I just gave up and brought downstairs for the day.  Saturday night, Madison had a sleepover with Bailey.  In order not to wake Maddy up all night, we let her have Bailey's room and Bailey slept upright in the infant car seat in our room.  Again, she was up just about every hour or two all night.  And it wasn't as simple as just putting her bink back in.  She screamed and fought and refused to fall back to sleep very easily.  I got a total of five hours of sleep all weekend, and Scott got just a bit more than that.  Last night, she fell asleep with no problem.  Scott and I were so tired that we went to bed around the same time that Bailey did.  Just as I was dozing off...scream!  Scott and I were up every few hours from then on out again.  

When she woke up around 4:00 this morning, I just couldn't do it anymore.  Scott was getting ready to go to the gym and went in to get her back to sleep.  She just wouldn't have it.  He came back to the bedroom and asked what I thought he should do.  In my frustrated and sleep-deprived state I did what I swore I'd never do.  "Let her cry", I told him.  I then proceeded to roll over and turn the volume off of her monitor so that I could see her but couldn't hear her (we have a video monitor).  I could hear her crying, even with her bedroom door and ours both closed.  I watched her crying on the monitor and it broke my heart, but I just couldn't do it again.  I couldn't summon the energy to crawl out of bed, walk down the hall, and spend the next 10 minutes trying to calm her down and get her back to sleep.  So, in a half-awake state I listened.  Fifteen minutes of her crying.  Fifteen minutes of me being torn between going in to comfort her and letting her learn to soothe herself back to sleep.  Fifteen minutes...and then silence.  I actually sat up and stared at the monitor to make sure I could see her stomach rising and falling so I knew she was still breathing.  She did it!  I should have been ecstatic, but I only felt guilty.

I know it's a silly thing to worry about and that lots of mothers let their babies cry it out to teach them to self-soothe to go back to sleep.  I (sort of) know that she won't be scarred and that in the long run it may help her.  But I just don't have it in me to do it.  I cannot watch my child cry and not  want to do everything in my power to "make it better".  When she cried herself to sleep I kept thinking, what if she only fell back to sleep because she just gave up trying?  What if she was scared or needed some kind of comfort and now feels like we abandoned her?  What if she thinks we don't care?  What if she really needed me and I just left her to cry?  Deep down I know that she won't remember this years from now.  Deep down I know that she probably wasn't thinking any of those things, I do.  But there's still a part of me ( a big part) that feels like I didn't do right by her in this instance.  I smothering right now in my mommy guilt...

She slept until just before 7 this morning, and when I went in to get her from the crib she smiled big like she always does and started kicking her feet.  When I picked her up she put both arms around my neck, buried her face in my shoulder and squeezed me so tight.  Maybe she was happy to find that I hadn't actually abandoned her.  Maybe she was just glad to be out of her crib.  I'd like to think she was just giving me a big hug.  Her way of saying , "Good morning, mommy!".  Either way, she doesn't seem very bothered by the fact that she cried herself to sleep early this morning.  She seems happy, like always.  And I guess, at the end of the day, that's all that matters. 

7 Months Old!

Bailey is 7 months old today!  I still can't believe how quickly time has flown by.  She's closer to being a year old than she is to being a newborn now!  I know I say it on an almost daily basis, but I'm still in awe.  The past 7 months have been some of the best of my life (PPD and all) and I owe it all to Bailey.  She's made Scott and me so much happier than I ever thought we could be, and her smile just lights up a room.  One of my favorite things is watching her as she notices Scott or me come into a room.  The instant she recognizes that it's one of us she just lights up...HUGE smile, and often she gets so excited that she'll start kicking her legs and making all kinds of noise.  It's the best part of my day...

We can really see her personality starting to come through these days as well.  She's grown to love bath time, which is a total 180 for her.  For those of you who follow my pictures and videos on Shutterfly (if you don't already and would like to, feel free to let me know so I can give you the password), you might remember the video I put up from when Bailey was just three weeks old and we were on vacation at the beach.  The second her toes touched the water in the bath tub Bailey started screaming and she didn't stop until well after we'd taken her out and dried her off.  It took her a good 3 months or so before she even started to be okay with the bath, let alone enjoy it!  Now, though, she loves to splash in the water and play with her tub toys.

She also loves to play.  My mom says that Bailey "likes it rough", and she's right.  Bailey gets a kick out of being tickled and tossed in the air, or flown around like an airplane.  She loves to jump and spin.  Elmo is one of her favorite characters and, no matter what's going on around her, she smiles and laughs when Backpack comes on Dora the Explorer.  She's quick to let us know when she doesn't like something, and isn't at all shy about letting out an angry cry or scream.  We used to joke that she was taking on the personality of a crotchety old lady because she was very, well, crotchety.  She would have these moody times where you couldn't even look at her or she would get all mad and start crying and getting all red in the face.  Now, though, she's coming out of her shell and usually has a smile for everybody.  

Bailey started sitting up on her own last month, and can stand for a few minutes if she's holding onto something (like the couch)...but only if she's in the mood to do it.  She's perfectly capable of rolling over from back to belly and from belly to back, but she'll only do it when we're not looking at her.  She holds her arms out and she reaches for people when she wants them to hold her.  She claps her hands and shakes a rattle, and she's recently taken to talking...a lot.  Most of the time it's just babble at different volumes and pitches (sometimes happy babbling and other times angry or annoyed babbling), but she's starting to say "da da da" and "ba ba ba" more and more.  Scott says he's heard her say "ma ma ma" a few times, but I think he's just trying to make me feel better.  She got her very first tooth a few days ago (note to self: you will be bitten if you put your finger in her mouth when she doesn't want you to!), and I can see another one about to pop through next to the first one. 

She amazes me every day, and I'm so excited that I get to watch her grow up and see all the different facets of her personality every day.  She's becoming quite the entertaining little girl these days, and I have a feeling the next few months (and years) are only going to get better.  She's so much more than we could have ever asked for!

** I need to end this blog with a big thank-you to my brother TJ (and not just because I promised him I'd put him in my next post!) for getting my daycare Kindergartener to school in the crazy snow the other day!  My car never would have made it, and he offered to use Drew's truck (so thanks to you, too, Drew!) to get "A" to school for me.  Thanks, Teej! **

We've Got A...

....tooth!!

Our big news is that Bailey's got her first tooth!  It's just now starting to pop up through her gums, and it's making her pretty unhappy.  You can hardly see it unless you're looking for it and she won't let us touch it anymore (annoying mother that I am, I guess I stuck my finger in her mouth one too many times) but it's definitely there and I can feel it when I poke around.  Yay!!  Although, this means we're in for quite a few days of misery...Bailey gets super fussy when she's uncomfortable.  We'll see how things go.

In other news, we had a GREAT weekend!  Scott had to clock a game Friday night, so Bailey and I had a girls' night.  We went and had dinner at the mall, then did some shopping.  I picked up a few cute outfits for her at The Children's Place (they're having a sale!), enjoyed a latte and just strolled with her for a bit.  We got home late, and she and Scott played for a few minutes before she went to bed for the night.  

On Saturday night, Bailey had a sleepover with Madison at Aunt Meg and Uncle Drew's house.  I'm not sure how much sleep everyone actually got, but the intention was there!  Scott and I had a fantastic date night.  We were a boring old couple first and did our grocery shopping.  But we got dressed up and went to dinner and a movie later that night.  We ended up seeing No Strings Attached, which was decent, but I can't really take Ashton Kutcher seriously in a movie.  Still a good flick, though.  And as an added bonus, we both got a full night's uninterrupted sleep!  

On a completely unrelated note, I filled my last daycare opening!  I've got a baby girl who is four days younger than Bailey and I love it.  The girls all play together and Bailey, Madison and their new buddy chatted back and forth pretty much all day yesterday.  Also, I'm down 15 pounds!  Still got a LONG way to go and I can't really tell that I've lost anything yet, but the scale says that I have so I'm going with it.  

And now, one of the girls is waking up (and screaming) from a nap.  Duty calls!

Mommy Moments

I'd like to think I'm a good mom.  I love my daughter like crazy and she's quite a happy baby (most of the time).  She's fed, clothed, bathed, played with, stimulated and adored.  She's well-taken care of and (yes, I'm tooting my own horn) it shows.  But there times where I sit down and say to myself, what the hell was I thinking?

Last night, for instance.  Lately, Bailey has taken a liking to one of my baking spatulas.  It's soft enough that it won't hurt her, but hard enough for her to chomp on (since everything goes into her mouth).  She was jumping in her jumperoo and dropped it on the kitchen floor while Scott and I were cooking dinner, so I tossed it in the sink to rinse off later.  Bailey immediately started fussing (how dare I clean her new favorite toy?), so without really thinking, I took a regular metal spoon from the drawer and gave it to her to play with, then continued making dinner.

Not three minutes later, she poked herself in the eye and scratched her cheek with the metal edge.  Immediately started crying and making all kinds of angry noises at me.  Where was my brain when I gave her that spoon, you ask?  Apparently, it was on strike.  I had to laugh, though, when I turned around and Scott (who's been known to have a few brainless moments himself) was shaking his head at me.  Well...at least she didn't poke her eye out.  And all it took were an ice pack and a few kisses from mommy and daddy to make it all better.

I'm going to predict right now that there will be many more "mommy moments" in the future.  I said I was a good mom, not a perfect one.     ;-)