Blogging With a Purpose: If I Were To Win the Lottery...

I'm linking up again with Becky over at From Mrs. To Mama this week, and posting this while on vacation.  On vacation.  Now, if that's not dedication, I don't know what is. Actually, it's boredom if you can believe that.  For once, everyone in the house is sleeping with the exception of Gerry and my mom, and they're both hanging out on the deck at the moment.  I literally have nothing else to do right now.  No kids wanting or needing something, nothing to clean, nothing to plan.  Just this.  To be honest, I'm glad for the break.  So, on to this week's blogging with a purpose topic:  If I Were To Win the Lottery, 5 Things I'd Buy.

I tweaked this topic a bit to suit my situation.  Instead of writing about things I'd buy, I'm going to write about things I'd do.  Because, yeah, I could buy a ton of stuff.  And there's no doubt that I would.  But I'd also do some things, too, and that's what I want to write about.  This is assuming I won millions...

I would NOT quit my job.  At this point in my life, with two little ones at home and hopefully more to come, having a home daycare is perfect for me.  I may not always love it, but I'm home with my kids and I have the ability to close if needed or to tweak my hours to suit my needs.  I'm my own boss and I'm there for my kids 24/7.  I would, however, lessen my workload by taking on fewer kids and being pickier about what kids I do take.  I would urge Scott to quit his job and stay home with us.  Or at least to find something more part-time.  He'd probably go nuts surrounded by kids all day, but at least he'd have the option of not having to work so hard all the time.  And our family would be together all the time.

I would buy a bigger house.  Right now, we live in a twin.  Which means we share a wall with our neighbors.  Which means that we can hear every single they do throughout the day and night.  And they can probably hear us at times, too, though I guarantee that even with young kids we're much quieter than they are.  We have 3 bedrooms now, which is just fine for us at the moment.  But I'd like a house that isn't attached to someone else's.  Something with at least 4 bedrooms (preferably 5), a big backyard, a playroom for the kids, and a finished basement.  In a good school district.  In the interest of my daycare, I'd also like something with a more open floor plan than we have right now. 

I would take my family on a wonderful vacation.  My whole family -- my parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws...the whole gang.  For at least two weeks.  A fantastic get-away that we'll never forget.  We'd stay on a private villa (or 5 considering there would be more than 30 people going) on the beach in the Caribbean or in Italy, and we'd spend 14 glorious days just spending time together.  Enjoying good food, new sites, no stress and just being together.

I would buy a house at the beach.   Every year my family stays a week in Ocean City, New Jersey.  And every year we all talk about buying a house there.  And every year nothing comes of it.  Scott says all the time that he wants to buy a house and retire on the beach.  So why not make it happen?  If I won the lottery, I'd buy a house like we've all been talking about for so long, and we could all use it any time we wanted.

I would pay off all my debts and give some money to my family.  They've been so good to me my whole life, and I'd love to be able to take some stress from them, financial or otherwise.  It would be nice to be able to give them all enough to retire and live the rest of their lives happily.

I'd invest in my own business.  I would LOVE to own a coffee shop/book store, trite as it sounds.  Sort of like a Barnes & Noble ( a bookstore with a cafe inside) but much smaller and more inviting.  More personable.  I think it would be cool to "run" the business with Scott.  To be our own bosses, to control what goes in and what comes out.  And there's nothing I love more than coffee and books. 


I could think of a million and one things I'd do if I won the lottery.  Seriously.  But these are my top five.  A girl can hope, right?

Next week's topic:  If I Could Turn Back Time (And Do Something Over)


Also, check back in the next few days for a recap of our vacation!

Blogging With a Purpose: My Biggest Weakness

I could blog all day about my weaknesses: coffee, chocolate, my lack of desire to clean anything these days, books, my laptop, coffee, my kids, lip gloss, coffee, Facebook, coffee.  And did I mention coffee?  But these are all superficial weaknesses.  The purpose of this 52 Week's series is to look inside yourself, not just to spout the first things you can think of.  That being said, I know my biggest weakness.  By far. 

My perception of myself.  And how my children see me. 

In college, and even the few years beyond, I struggled with body image issues.  I still do. I grew up being able to eat whatever I wanted and not having to worry about watching myself because I always just burned off the calories playing sports.  As I got older, though, and stopped playing sports the pounds just packed themselves on.  I started looking in the mirror more often and hating what I saw.  I referred to myself as "short and chubby".  I dreaded clothes shopping because of how horrible everything looked on my body.  I yo-yo dieted for a few years.  I pointed out all of my flaws (chubby thighs, crooked nose, hairy arms, ...) before anyone else could exploit them.  I basically spent my twenties in a cycle of "I hate myself"-diet-find all my flaws and obsess over them-repeat.  All those wasted years...

When I got pregnant in 2010 it was the very first time that I had ever truly appreciated my body and what it could do.  At 9+ months pregnant and weighing more than I ever had in my life, I'd finally...finally come to love myself.  I felt my daughter rolling and kicking inside of me and felt such pride that my body, the very thing I had come to hate and feel ashamed of, had grown, carried and sustained this little person for so long.

That lasted about a month after she was born.

Then it was back to "I hate myself"-diet-obsess over flaws-repeat.  I was horrified at what my body had become...the loose belly, the stretch marks all over,  the extra weight just clinging to my belly, butt and thighs, the cellulite where there used to be smooth skin before.  I stopped respecting my body for all that it had done and started hating it again.

Fast forward 2 years and I'm pregnant again.  I brought my daughter with me to one of my prenatal appointments.  It just so happened to be my 38 week appointment, so I'm plopped on the table getting ready for my internal and Bailey shouts to the doctor:  "Watch out for mommy's big butt!"

Not my kid, but this is a pretty accurate picture of what my face looked like

At the time, I thought it was hilarious and the doctor and I had a nice little chuckle over it.  But then I started to think about it more.  Is that how she sees me?  As having a big butt?  Doesn't she realize that my butt is this big partly because of her?  Couldn't she have commented on how cute my pedicure looked instead?

And then I realized...she said that because it's how I talk about myself.  I thought over the past 2.5 years of her life and I realized that Bailey has never heard me talk positively about my body.  She's curious and I'm pretty adamant about her not being ashamed or made to feel awkward about her body, so I don't rush her out of the room while I'm drying off after a shower and, let's face it, I haven't gone to to the bathroom alone in about 2 years...so, yeah.  She's seen the human body.  But when she points and asks, I always say "That's mommy's big, ole butt" or "That's mommy's flabby belly".  So that's all she knows --  that mommy has a flabby belly and a big butt.  And, unless and until I start being more positive about myself, that's all she'll ever know. 

Since realizing this a few days ago, I've tried really hard to un-do the damage I've already done.  I no longer refer to myself as chubby, fat, or flabby.  I don't stare at myself in the mirror and proclaim out loud how disappointed I am with the stretch marks that just won't go away or the weight I'm still trying to lose.  I don't moan and groan about how I'll never wear a bikini again or how much I'm dreading bathing suit shopping.  I just don't.

When they were born, I swore to myself and to them that Bailey and Gerry would always know that they were perfect (because, to me, they are).  And I've spent every day since they were born telling them how beautiful and handsome they are, how smart they are, and how much I love them.  I've worked hard to instill a good sense of self-esteem in them and now I need to do that for myself (or at the very least to stop hating on myself so much).  As they grow up, I want my children to know that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.  I want them to know that their morals and values and how they treat other people is much more important than how they look.  I want them to know that their worth is not wrapped up in a tiny, size 2 body and that neither is anyone else's.  I want them to grow up thinking (knowing) that their mother was and is beautiful because she is a good person, an empathetic person, a person of value.  Not because she was skinny or a particular size. 

I'm working on my biggest weakness, I really am.  And I'll continue to do so, if not for myself, then for my kids.  I'm taking steps to fix it now.  Baby steps, but steps in the right direction nonetheless.

Next Week's Topic:  If I Were To Win the Lottery...

Gerry: 6 Months Old

How in the world is Gerry already 6 months old?!  Seriously...how did this happen?

Scott and I still can't believe how lucky we are that he's such a happy and easy-going baby.  Since I'm going to be doing one of these every month for a bit, I figured I'll make it easier on all of us and make it kind of like a list instead if crazy long paragraphs.  So, here goes:

Personality:  Calm and happy; only cries when he's overtired or super hungry.

Nickname: "Little Man", "Handsome Man", "Chunk"

Likes:  Mommy and Daddy; Bailey; sweet potatoes; his exersaucer and jumperoo; his bottle; being tickled, playing peek-a-boo; kicking his feet like a crazy person; toy phones; bath time; kissy faces; singing

Dislikes:  Most other foods we've tried so far (peas, green beans, carrots, rice cereal); poopy diapers; waiting too long for his bottle; being on his back for too long without something to do

Skills:  Can roll from back to belly and from belly to back (but chooses not to); can sit unassisted for a few seconds before throwing himself backwards; can stand with support for a few minutes; can pick things up and put them in his mouth; transfers objects from hand to hand; holds his own bottle; makes consonant sounds (ma, da, ba)

Sleeps: A solid 9-11 hours per night

Gerry is just an amazing little guy.  So pleasant to be around and, oh my, his smile just lights up a room.  He's taken to staring at Scott or me until we pay attention and, as soon as we meet his eyes, he gives us the most gigantic and adorable smile ever.  Bailey is pretty much his favorite person ever and he will always stop what he's doing to start babbling and smiling when he sees her.  He's wonderful!  We just adore him.

Blogging With a Purpose: 5 Years From Now

Linking up with Becky over at From Mrs. To Mama again this week.

I love, love, love this week's blog topic.  I often fantasize about what the future will be like, and where I'd like to be in x-amount of years, so this one was easy-peasy for me to write about.

In 5 years....


...I hope to be living in my dream home.  The house we're in now is just fine...for now.  It's a good size for us, in a good school district, close to just about anywhere I could possibly want to go.  But some of my neighbors suck, the neighborhood itself isn't as good as it was when I was a kid, and we're going to need a bigger house as our family grows.

... I hope to have at least one more child.  Bailey and Gerry are fantastic and wonderful, and I would love to give them another sibling.  I enjoy pregnancy (although, you wouldn't know it to read some of the posts from my pregnancy with Gerry), and I love kids.  If fate decides that two kids is all I need, then I'll be more than happy with the two miracles I've got.  But I just don't feel like we're "done" quite yet.

...I hope to be more financially sound.  Scott and I are well on our way to paying off our debt, and the raise he'll get from completing his Master's will be a big help.  The plan is to put that raise to good use and start paying some stuff down.  I don't think we'll ever be completely debt-free thanks to the crap economy, but we can be close.

...I hope to be a great mother.  In 5 years, I'll have an 8-year-old and a 5-year-old (eek!) and I hope that I'm the best mother I can be to them.  I want my kids to be proud to call me their mom and I hope that we have the kind of relationship where they feel comfortable, happy, and well-loved.

...I hope to have embraced my body, flaws and all.  I've spent the majority of my twenties worrying about how I look, my weight, this scar and that mole.  I'm slowly starting to accept myself for who I am, and I hope that in 5 years I'll have the courage and confidence to see myself the way my husband sees me and to not feel like I have to change a thing about myself in order to be "worthy" of others.

...I hope to be a great wife.  I like to think that Scott would say that I'm a good wife.  Truth is, he probably would say that because he's too nice not to.  But I want to be certain myself that I'm a good wife.  That I put the time into my marriage that it deserves and that I remember to nurture it and do my best not to let the busy-ness of our everyday lives overshadow the importance of our marriage.

...I hope to be happy.  Does anyone ever not hope for happiness in their life?  I'm happy now, for sure.  And I'm pretty certain that I'll be happy 5 years from now, too.  But I feel like if I don't put it in writing I'll be jinxing myself.

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Next Week:  My Biggest Weakness

Flame-Free Friday!

It's Flame-Free Friday, folks!  I don't have too much to confess this week, but here goes:


Scott totally busted me for last week's confession about not washing the dishes.  He reads this blog maybe every 7 or 8 months, but he picked yesterday to log on and check it out.  Luckily, he was more amused than anything...but he's declared that he will no longer do the dishes when I decide to wait them out.  I screwed myself, folks.  I screwed myself.  ;-)

Yesterday was Bailey's birthday and she spent the night at my parents' house.  Every other Thursday she has a sleepover with her cousins at Mimom and Grandpop's house and yesterday happened to be their sleepover night.  Scott and I wanted to do something special with Bailey to celebrate her birthday, but all she wanted to do was have her sleepover.  So we let her go, and brought a cake over later on.  I missed her...but it was soooo nice not to get a break from the increasingly long bedtime routine with her.

I'm having surgery in July...and I'm looking forward to the "vacation".  I'm nervous about the surgery to the point where I haven't even really let myself think about it, but the overnight stay in the hospital will be a break for me.  I'm going to miss Scott, Bailey and Gerry like crazy, but 55 hour work weeks are exhausting to me and Bailey hasn't been easy to get to sleep at night for the past few weeks...it will be nice to not have to spend my every waking moment (at least for one day) taking care of kids, refereeing arguments, and talking them all down from the random tantrums they have a thousand times a day.

I'm counting down the days to vacation like a child counting down to Christmas.  Seriously.  I need this vacation. 

I haven't taken any pictures of myself for my Isagenix blog since I first started the program.  I have "before" pictures and happened to stumble upon them on my phone yesterday...and I was ashamed.  Oh my Lord, they were a wake-up call!  I didn't realize quite how big I had gotten until I saw those pictures.  Thank God I'm on my way to a healthier weight...but I'm embarrassed at where I was.

This picture makes me laugh WAY more than it should. 

So...anyone want to share some confessions?

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IIt's Flame-Free Friday, folks!  Time to get those confessions out without fear of judgement.  Feel free to hop on board with me here and leave your confessions in the comments.  This is a safe zone...no judgements, no unkind remarks.  Get it off your chest.  Here are my confessions for the week: - See more at: http://wanner-family.blogspot.com/#sthash.Yl0c1bB4.dpuf

It's Flame-Free Friday, folks!  Time to get those confessions out without fear of judgement.  Feel free to hop on board with me here and leave your confessions in the comments.  This is a safe zone...no judgements, no unkind remarks.  Get it off your chest.  Here are my confessions for the week: - See more at: http://wanner-family.blogspot.com/#sthash.Yl0c1bB4.dpuf

It's Flame-Free Friday, folks!  Time to get those confessions out without fear of judgement.  Feel free to hop on board with me here and leave your confessions in the comments.  This is a safe zone...no judgements, no unkind remarks.  Get it off your chest.  Here are my confessions for the week: - See more at: http://wanner-family.blogspot.com/#sthash.Yl0c1bB4.dpuf

Happy Birthday, Baby!

This was my Facebook status this morning:

3 years ago today the world got a little bit crazier, a little bit funnier, and a WHOLE LOT better...Happy Birthday, Bailey!

My baby is 3 years old today.  3...YEARS...OLD.  Where has the time gone?  Just yesterday, I was holding her newborn sweetness in my arms and then I blinked and she's a big girl. And what a big girl she is...talking like a young adult, running around like a crazy person, and doing all these independent things.  She knows what she wants, what she likes and dislikes, and she's not afraid to express herself in whatever way she needs to.  She is amazing.  Amazing. 

The day she was born I had no clue what to expect.  She had spent more than 9 months inside of me and, yet, I didn't know a thing about her.  I was clueless as to what foods she would like, what she'd look like, her personality.  I didn't know her like I do now.

I adore the little girl that she is.

She's loud and crazy and I can't for the life of me get her to slow down sometimes.  She loves fruits and veggies, popsicles and chocolate.  She's into all things girly--makeup, tiaras, dresses.  She has her own sense of style (last night she wore a tutu to bed) and hates having her hair pulled up.  Her brother is one of her very favorite people in this world.  She plays with her ear when she's tired (as I write this, she's lying next to me and playing with my ear, having gotten bored with her own), and she's ridiculously attached to her bink.

She doesn't do anything halfway, whether it be loving, playing, having a tantrum, laughing or crying.  She's an "all or nothing" kind of girl.  She's quick to share with others, but she also sometimes has a hard time giving up something she really wants.  She has so many moments of sweetness, but also quite a few moments of "toddler tantruming".

 She is the most wonderful daughter a mother could ask for and I love her so much it hurts.  The last three years have been incredible and I feel lucky that I've gotten to spend them with this little girl.  It just gets better and better!

Happy 3rd Birthday, big girl!

The day she was born

Happy 1st Birthday!

At her 2nd birthday party

3rd birthday party

Blogging With a Purpose: 10 Things I Live For

I'm linking up with Becky over at From Mrs. To Mama again this week. 

When I first sat down to start writing this post, I mistook the topic for the week and thought it was "10 Things I Can't Live Without".  I spent more than 35 minutes staring at the computer screen trying to think of things I couldn't live without before I got a clue and checked back over on Becky's blog.

I could only think of 3 things that I can't live without, and not one of them was a materialistic object.  But things I love for?  Well, that list is almost endless.  And so much easier to write about.  So, without further ado and in no particular order, here are 10 things I live for:

My family.  Cheesy, I know, but it's true.  I live for my family.  For my husband, my children, my parents and grandparents, brother and sister, aunts and uncles, cousins.  Some of my best and happiest memories have been spent with my family, and I live for the times when we're all together.

This is a few years old, so the 4 great-grandkids are missing...

My son's smile and my daughter's giggle.  You know how they say things can "light up a room"?  Well, Gerry and Bailey really do.  Whenever Gerry smiles, oh my gosh, it's amazing.  And Bailey's giggles and belly laughs can make even the worst day a million times better.  I live for the moments when I can catch them in unbridled enthusiasm and happiness, and I'll do almost anything to make it happen.

 

Lazy Saturday mornings.  Now that Bailey's dance class is over, we have more time to laze around on Saturday mornings, and I love it.  Scott and I don't set any alarms; we just wait for one or both of the kids to wake us up.  9 times out of 10, all 4 of us end up in our bed together watching tv and slowly waking up.  I'll give G a bottle and he sometimes dozes off in my arms while Bailey watches one of her shows.  Scott will go downstairs and make our breakfast shakes and we'll enjoy them in bed.  Then, when Bailey is ready, she and I will get dressed and take a walk to Wawa for coffee and donuts, and we sit out on the back patio and relax with them for a bit before starting our day.  It's such a wonderful and peaceful way to start my weekend, and I live for those quiet days with my little family. 


My weekend coffee.  Such a trivial and somewhat materialistic thing, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't something that I live for these days.  Since starting our Isagenix program, I've kicked my 3-cup-a-day habit, and I only have one or two cups on weekend mornings as a treat.  I sip it slowly while reading a book outside or putzing around on the computer, and I savor the hell out of it.  I seriously look forward to my weekend coffee.

Beach vacations.  We go every summer and I look forward to it all year.  Seven days at the beach...no work...just family and sun and sand and relaxation.  It's quite possibly the best week I have all year.

That first sip of hot apple cider on a cool autumn afternoon.  Fall is my favorite season...there's something about the crispness in the air, the changing and falling leaves, that is ridiculously calming to me. 


Christmas Eve.  Christmas is just magical to me and always has been.  I could care less about the "gift" aspect of it, but I love the sense of wonderment and awe that comes with the season.  The happiness and kindness and anticipation surrounding the holiday is something that I'll never get tired of.  And now, after having kids of my own, I love to take them out and watch their faces light up when we see houses covered in Christmas lights.

Alone time with my husband.  When the kids are in bed and we can take off our Mommy and Daddy hats and just be Scott and Jess, it's so nice.  Lately, there hasn't been much alone time for us, but we take what we can.  These days, our time together consists of lying in bed after Bailey and Gerry have gone to sleep and catching up on one of the shows we've DVR-ed before passing out for the night.  Sometimes we'll get lucky and both kids will be out cold at an early hour, and then we get more time to catch up and just be together without having to worry about changing a diaper or telling a story or any of the million other things we do as mom and dad throughout the day.  More often than not, though, it's a quick show and a "Love you" before we both fall asleep.  I keep reminding myself "quality over quantity" and that our children won't be this little and "needy" forever.

 Laughter.  For any reason and in any form.  Really, is there anything better than a good belly laugh?  The saying goes "Laughter is good for the soul" and it really, really is.  Watching someone laugh always has a downright pleasant effect on me, and laughing myself always feels good.  And the sound of children's laughter?  Well, there's just nothing better than that.


Hugs from my children.   There is nothing quite as peaceful and smile-inducing than having a child's arms wrapped around you.  Lately, Bailey has taken to running over from wherever she's been playing and throwing her arms around whatever part of my body she can reach the fastest before running back to play.  It lasts less than 2 seconds, but it never fails to amaze me that she stops what she's doing for the sole purpose of showing me a little bit of affection and love.  Gerry, not even six months old, grabs both sides of my face with a giant smile on his and clasps his lips onto my nose or chin.  Sometimes he throws his head into my shoulder or my neck, and it makes me so damn happy.  I know he's not really giving me a hug, but it's his way of showing interest and affection, and I love it all the same.  I live for it.

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Next week:  My Life 5 Years From Now

Flame-Free Friday!

It's Flame-Free Friday, folks!  Time to get those confessions out without fear of judgement.  Feel free to hop on board with me here and leave your confessions in the comments.  This is a safe zone...no judgements, no unkind remarks.  Get it off your chest.  Here are my confessions for the week:

I've only washed the dishes once all week.  Scott is home for the summer and I'm tired of washing dishes 3 times a day, so I've just been leaving them and waiting for him to get to them.  And I don't feel guilty about it.

I cheated on my Isagenix program a few times this week.  And I still lost two pounds.  I never had anything too, too bad but I definitely didn't stick to the program as rigidly as I have been the last 7 weeks.  Those cleanse days are my savior.

I hate my neighbors' dogs and often fantasize about shooting them with a BB gun.  Our houses are attached, and we have dogs on either side of us.  Dogs that bark nonstop from sun up to sun down.  The neighbors don't do anything to stop it, and it's maddening when the kids want to play outside or we just want to relax out there and can't because those damn dogs are charging the fence and barking like idiots.

Bailey has her very first dance recital this weekend and I think I'm going to cry.  Between her adorable costume and the two routines she has and the fact that my baby is going to be performing up on stage, I feel like I'm going to spend the whole show fighting tears.  And I'm not normally a crier, but I really feel like it's going to happen.

A few friends of mine have recently had or are about to have babies and it's giving me Baby Fever.  Mind you, Gerry isn't even 6 months old yet, and I have no desire to rush him out of babyhood just yet.  But there's something about the excitement of pregnancy and birth that just gets me every time.  Clearly, I'm not quite done.

I still have no pictures of Gerry in the house.  How horrible is that?  If a stranger walked into my home, they would have no clue that I have more than one child.  I've got tons of pictures online, but not a single one in a frame in my house.  Poor kid has gotten the shaft in that department.

I'm still amazed by every single thing my kids do.  Seriously.  Everything.  Yesterday, Gerry spent a good five minutes sucking on his big toe and I filmed the whole thing.  And then watched it over and over again. 

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Nothing too juicy, but it feels good to get some of these out.  So, tell me...what are your confessions this week? 

Welcome To My New Space!

Notice anything different today?  Like...a whole new blog, complete with new title, pictures, and fonts?

In my real life I hate change.  Loathe it.  Fear it.  So, clearly, I'm taking it out on the blog these days.  And I have to say I'm really liking the change right now.  I decided on a new title, "Tutus To Tonka Trucks" while I was thinking about a good way to incorporate everything about our life into this goofy blog.  "What We Make Of It" was nice while it lasted, but I feel like the new title totally fits our life these days.  Now that Bailey is coming up on the big bad 3 (my baby is going to be 3!) and Gerry is coming into his own in terms of personality and interests, I thought the title was fairly apt for us.

I'm still going to be blogging about the same stuff I always have to all 8of you.  But I'm also going to be linking up with Becky over at From Mrs. To Mama each week for the next year for a series she thought up called "52 Weeks Of Blogging With a Purpose".  I'm pretty excited to have the chance to write some things that I may not have written otherwise, and I hope you enjoy reading it, too.  I'll also be doing my own little thing called "Flame Free Friday".  It pretty much speaks for itself...I'll be "confessing" each week, without the fear of judgement.  Hopefully.  It's cathartic and I need it.  And I hope that some of you will feel free to confess some things, too.

Finally, as most of you have probably heard, Google Reader is about to be no more.  As of July 1st, you won't be able to use it.  So click on the Bloglovin' button in the upper right hand corner of my blog to follow me that way.

And keep checking back for more updates!

52 Weeks Of Blogging With a Purpose: Who I Am

I'm linking up with Becky over at From Mrs. To Mama this week.  She had this fantastic idea to blog "with a purpose" once a week for the year, and I love it.  This week's blog focuses on who I am.  The first things that came to my mind when I started writing this were:  daughter, wife, sister, mother...the usual suspects, if you will.  But if I'm going to be blogging with a purpose I want to go a bit deeper than just a typical surface answer.  So first things first...



I am a daughter, sister, wife, mother.  It's hard to describe myself without including these things.  I've been all of these things for some time now, and I often find it difficult to remember that I'm something other than just Bailey and Gerry's mom; Scott's wife; Tim and Donna's daughter.  It is what it is...and I am who I am.  But I'm also more.

 I am a fighter and a survivor.  Not in the traditional sense, but in my own little way.  I was bullied as a child and I survived, albeit it with a bit of a skewed perspective of the world around me.  I've overcome numerous health issues and struggle daily with postpartum depression and anxiety.  I'm learning to be a voice and an advocate for both myself and my children.

I am empathetic.  I always joke that I don't have working tear ducts because I don't let myself become emotional in front of other people.   I don't cry at movies or when I hear a sad story or watch a sad commercial on tv.  But I feel things very, very strongly.  I may not show my emotions in public, but that doesn't mean that I'm not affected by people and things happening in the world around me.  Watching the news at night can send me into a tailspin of internal sadness and regret that takes days to recover from.  When someone makes my daughter sad or upset it takes every fiber of my being not to lash out at that person (more often than not, a child).  When someone I know is going through a rough time, I feel for them as strongly as if it were my own struggle.

I am a caregiver.  Every mother says this, but there is no getting around it.  Every day, I care for my children.  Whether it be the simple and "usual" tasks of motherhood, like feeding them, bathing them, playing with them.  Or whether it be in a more "important" or creative way...kissing away boo-boos, banishing monsters at bedtime, fixing hurts in my children's lives, whether they be real or imagined.  In a million little ways, I am a caregiver.

I am an idealist.  I try to see the good in every situation.  The glass is always half full, things could always be worse...look on the bright side!  I try to see the best in people, and I refuse to go through life being jaded and assuming the worst.

I am a pack rat.  My husband can and will attest to this, because he hates it.  I hate throwing things away and almost everything has some sort of special meaning to me.  The Christmas ornament I made back in Kindergarten?  Can't get rid of it!  I mean, I created that reindeer out of a clothespin and red puff-ball...with my own two hands.  I can't just throw it away!  The piece of paper my toddler drew on with a pen, like, 14 months ago?  It has, literally, one little squiggly line on it and it's still hanging on my refrigerator.  I can't bear to throw it away.  Everything, even the silliest and most inconsequential things, has meaning to me. 

I am a mother.  I know I said this at the very beginning, but I honestly don't think I could tell you who I am without including this.  I am a mother, and it's the scariest, most fulfilling, best thing I'll ever be.

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So that's me in a nutshell.  I've left a lot out, I'm sure.  But these are the things that come to mind right away when I think of who I am.  Check back for next week's topic:  10 Things I Live For!