I've never been one for confrontation, and never quite knew how, or even if, I'd handle a situation where my own child's safety and/or happiness was in question because of something another child was doing to or around her. It turns out that, when it comes to my own kid, I have no problem stepping in and speaking up. Funny, isn't it? I'll sit back and let myself take crap...but I'll be damned if I'll let it happen to my kid.
Scott and I took Bailey to the Please Touch Museum for the very first time at the beginning of the month and she had a blast. At one point, though, she was playing on a replica of a Septa bus (with a real driver's seat and steering wheel!) and an older boy got on the bus and started pushing her out of seat and saying, "My turn! My turn!" I glanced over at his mother, waiting for her to step in and remind her son that pulling people out of seats and yelling that it's your turn is not the way we do things. His mother, however, was sitting on a bench a few feet away and texting on her cell phone, completely oblivious to the kid's actions. I gave it another second for the boy to get himself under control (he was at least 8 or 9...no reason why he can't control himself and wait for the 2-year-old to finish her turn) and when he continued to pull at Bailey's arm I climbed on the bus and told him in a stern voice to stop and wait his turn. I gave her another minute or two to play and then we moved on to the next activity. We passed the bench that the boy's mother was sitting on about 15 minutes later...she was still texting away while her son did God-knows-what.
Fast forward to this weekend. The three of us went to Chick-fil-a for a late lunch on Saturday and when we were finished Bailey wanted to play in the little Play Place they have there. Scott and I sat on a bench while Bailey took off onto the jungle gym. As we're sitting there, a girl of about 6 comes running by yelling, "Ew! Stop spitting on us, that's disgusting!" She must have yelled about 3 times before going back inside the restaurant and getting some wet wipes to clean things up. Bailey is still climbing at this point, and manages to reach the very top. I'm watching her playing and then I see this boy. At LEAST 7-years-old, this kid is crawling around inside the jungle gym and spitting. All over the place. Hitting the floor, the walls, the ceiling, trailing spit wherever he goes. All with a big smile on his face like he knew he was pissing off that poor girl and leaving a disgusting mess for someone to clean up. I happen to glance up and see a large sign right above us on the wall:
"PLAYGROUND AREA FOR CHILDREN 3 AND UNDER"
No way does this kid qualify as 3 and under. No freakin' way. I'm still sitting there a minute or two later when another little girl comes running by screaming that he spit in her hair. She passes by me and I can actually see a glob of spit in her otherwise clean and curly hair. I look up again and the boy is still spitting. Still. No way is my kid going to be playing around and crawling through this little brat's DNA.
So, I hoist my pregnant self all the way to the very top of that jungle gym and get right in that kid's face.
I bust out my stern, daycare provider voice. "Are you spitting?" Stupid question, considering he's staring at me with a dribble of spit hanging down from his chin. He won't answer me, but turns around to spit again in the direction Bailey's coming from. "Hey!" I yell. "Do I need to go get your mother and have her take you out of here? This is disgusting and we don't spit in here. If you can't knock it off, I'm going to have to find your mom and you'll need to get out of here. NO. MORE. SPITTING." The little heathen rolled his eyes at me. Then I hear a loud voice below me.
"WHO IS REPRIMANDING MY SON?" (Note the caps...the woman didn't speak. She yelled)
And I see Scott stand up. "That's my wife."
Then I see a woman walk up to stand under the tunnel where I've got her spitting kid cornered. She's directly under me, looking up all pissed off. And, I'll admit, she looks a little scary. Very masculine looking and not-at-all friendly.
Crazy-ass woman: "ARE YOU REPRIMANDING MY SON?"
Me: "Yes, I am. He's spitting in here, and I don't want the kids who are trying to play to be crawling all through it."
C-A W: "YOU DON'T NEED TO BE REPRIMANDING MY SON. I'M SITTING RIGHT OVER THERE, YOU COME TO ME IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM."
*I glance over where the crazy-ass woman is pointing and see a younger woman sitting on a bench not 3 feet away. The two women had been gossiping in the corner, clearly not paying any attention to the boy and what he was doing this whole time.*
Me: "Well, then, if you're sitting right over there you should have put a stop to it sooner, or at least been paying attention to what he was doing. I was across the room and could tell plain as day that he's spitting all over the place in here. It's disgusting."
C-A W: "YOU DON'T REPRIMAND MY SON! I'LL REPRIMAND HIM IF HE NEEDS IT! LET'S GO (heathen boy's name), WE'RE LEAVING!"
The little jerk rolls his eyes one more time, spits again, and then rolls out.
*****************************************************************************
Now, here's the thing. Kids are going to act like jerks sometimes. I get it. They don't know any better and it's instinctual for them to be a little spazzy at times. BUT...it's our job, as parents, to teach them how to behave, both at home and in public. Not to just sit back and relax and let them run around like little hooligans, ignoring basic human behaviors and rules of etiquette.
Now, the spitter's mother was sitting closer to the jungle gym than Scott and I were. There is absolutely no way that she couldn't hear what was going on and know immediately that her son was spitting on other children in the play place. But instead of walking over and giving him a warning or, I don't know, dragging his ass out of there (he was way old enough to know better and clearly older than the "3 and under" requirement) she chose to sit back and continue talking with her friend, completely ignoring her son's behavior. THAT is a cardinal sin in the Book of Parenting.
If your child is doing something wrong or otherwise displaying negative behaviors...you fix it. You don't ignore it. And you certainly don't try and start a fight with another parent who IS doing their job and trying to keep their kid safe and well-behaved. Not only was her son acting like an ass, but he was also teaching the other kids that spitting is okay, and I'll be damned if that's a lesson I want my daughter to learn.
If the roles were reversed and Bailey was the one acting like that (and, believe me, it’s happened before) I would actually appreciate it if I didn’t see what was going on and another parent stepped in and reminded her that she was misbehaving. I know that not all parents feel this way, but I really do think that if a parent is being lax or completely ignoring their kid’s crappy behavior then it’s okay for another parent to step in and say, “Hey, that’s not right.” The way I see it, when you take your kid to a public place where it’s pretty certain that he or she will be interacting at some point with another child or children, then you need to be there and be present and pay attention to what your child is doing. It’s not anyone else’s job to parent for you, and the playground is not a babysitter.
Sitting right there and flat-out ignoring the fact that your kid is misbehaving and/or hurting another child is unacceptable in my book. And I have no problem stepping in if you can’t or won’t. We’re raising children here, not little devils and menaces to society, right? So let’s do our jobs and act like parents? Otherwise, we’re ALL in trouble.
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