You all know I'm a home daycare provider. And, most days, I love what I do. But there are times where I sit back and think,
why the hell am I doing this to myself? The kids are a handful. A wonderful and fun and funny and sweet and unpredictable handful. The kids can be awesome. But the parents? The parents, unfortunately, can make or break a provider's day/week/month/year. Right now, I have a fantastic group of parents. Truly. But I've had a few doozies over the years, too. The kind of parents who make me want to pull my hair out, who cause rage-filled smoke to come out of my ears, who make me want to quit my job and go out in a blaze of profanity-laced glory.
Those are the parents that this post is about. And if you find yourself acting like these parents in any way, shape, or form...
STOP. Right now. Before your kid gets booted out of daycare, because if you don't respect your provider this
will happen. Luckily, I can help you. Not if your kid gets kicked out of daycare because you treated your provider like "the help", but I can help you
before that happens. Here are some Do's and Don'ts {and other completely unwarranted advice}when it comes to sending your kids to daycare.
DON'T refer to your childcare provider as "the sitter", "the babysitter", or any variation thereof. This incites a rage inside all of us like you wouldn't believe. A babysitter is a teenaged kid who comes to your house so you and your partner can enjoy a date night. The babysitter hangs out for a few hours while your kids are in bed {or maybe they're still awake and watching tv} and watches your tv. Eats your snacks. Fiddles around on her cell phone. Your daycare provider is
nothing like your babysitter. Most of us have degrees and certifications and have completed hours and hours of professional development courses in order to be better providers for your children. This is a
business for us, not a hobby. We spend anywhere from 20 to 60 hours per week with your kids and we definitely don't spend it hanging out on the couch and watching tv. When your kids aren't with us, we're thinking of lessons for the next day, wondering how we can make the next day even better and more fun than yesterday, thinking up ways to bring that shy little kid out of her shell. Our "job" doesn't end when all the kids have gone home.
DON'T breeze in late for pick-up and act like it's no big deal. Because it is. Even 5 minutes at the end of the day is big deal to a provider who is finishing up an exhausting 12 hour day. It's time she loses out on with her own kids before she has to start their nighttime routine. It's time she loses out on with her spouse. It's time she loses out on to unwind and decompress after her day. And it's time she loses out on to plan fun and developmentally-appropriate activities for
your child for the next day. Don't be that asshole. If you're running late, let your provider know AHEAD OF TIME, and come armed with a very sincere apology and maybe a cup of coffee for the provider you've inconvenienced. And be prepared to pay a late fee. Do not, under any circumstances, complain about the late fee or offer to drop off "a little later tomorrow" instead of paying it. That's just a dick move.
DON'T question your provider's contract and/or policies. Especially if you've already signed the contract. This is the
provider's contract..her rules, her policies, and what she expects of and for her business. If you don't agree with it, don't sign it and find someplace else that has a contract you agree with 100%.
DON'T send your kid to daycare with a baggie full of treats or breakfast that he or she didn't finish before leaving the house that morning. Have you ever seen a group of sea gulls swoop in and attack a french fry that someone on the boardwalk accidentally dropped? It's like that only much, much worse. Then you get to go off and enjoy a nice quiet commute to work while your provider is left trying to wrangle and calm a bunch of pissed off and sad kids. And I can promise you that 100% of the time the provider will take that baggie of treats from your kid and put it away. Feed your child before you bring him or her to daycare. Never ever ever send them into the provider's home with food in their hands.
^^^See above and replace the "baggie full of treats" with "toys".
DON'T haggle with your provider. Her rate is her rate, and if you don't want to pay it then take your kid somewhere else. But keep in mind that you get what you pay for. Most of us
aren't in this business for the money, although it's important to us to be able to provide for our families, so we can't {and won't} do it for free. The tuition you pay isn't going in the provider's pocket. It's going toward food and supplies for the kids. Toward the electric and water bills to keep her home running so that your child has a place to go during the day. Toward new toys and cleaning supplies to keep things sanitized so that the kids don't get sick. Your provider isn't running off and spending your money on clothes and shoes and fun stuff for herself. Trust me on this one.
DON'T question every little thing. Your provider has your child's best interest at heart at all times. Most of us have been doing this for years and are prepared for almost any situation that may arise. Please don't waste time and energy questioning why your provider puts the kids down for nap at 12:30 instead of at 1pm or why she starts making lunch at 11:30am. Also, don't throw random scenarios at her and ask how she'd handle each one. It's pretty much a given that your provider will never have to fight off evil leprechauns while your child is in her care. Let her worry about more important things like researching organic diaper creams {because you don't want her to use anything but organic on your little one} or figuring out the best way to go about potty training your stubborn almost-4-year-old without scarring him or her permanently.
DON'T make a comment even loosely resembling something along the lines of, "Gee, I wish I could stay home and dance and play all day like you do!" Sure, there are times that we providers do get to dance and play. But we also spend the day busting our asses to take care of your kid. In between those few moments of dancing and playing, your provider is
teaching and molding your child into a happy and productive member of society. It may
look like your daycare provider's day is all fun and games, but really? It's not. A lot of us teach. I have a preschool program that's run in the morning and takes lots of time and planning to execute around daycare. The majority of a provider's day is spent cleaning things up, breaking up fights, teaching right from wrong, kissing and fixing boo-boos, explaining why it's not okay to kick a friend in the shins when she won't share a toy, teaching the kids
how to share their toys {and books and crayons and paint brushes and smocks, etc., etc., etc.} changing diapers, helping kids to use the potty, washing hands, tying shoes, zippering jackets, cooking and serving meals, preparing snacks, planning and executing art projects, answering a minimum of 84,632 questions from the kids, ranging in importance from "
How come I have a belly button?" to "
What happens after we die?" and a million other little things you don't see in the three minutes it takes to pick up and drop off each day.
DON'T assume that, just because the kids nap for 1-2 hours each day, your provider is getting a break. Maybe
your kid is napping, but there's a 97% chance that
at least one other kid is refusing to nap on any given day. This means that your provider is sitting with that child and trying to lull them to sleep, whether it be by rubbing the child's back, singing a soft lullaby, or just being a comforting presence there next to him until he {hopefully} falls asleep. When your provider isn't trying to get the kids to sleep she's cleaning up after lunch -- washing dishes, wiping down the table, sweeping and mopping the floor -- and getting things ready for the kids' afternoon snack. After that, she might get 40 seconds to use the bathroom herself before having to change a diaper {because it's pretty much a given that at least one child in diapers will take a crap right smack in the middle of nap time and will, therefore, need to be changed immediately}cajole that kid back to sleep, give one of the babies a bottle and then subsequently burp and change that baby, set up all of her afternoon supplies so that she doesn't have to scramble to do it when all of the kids wake up, go over her lesson plans for the next day and write plans for the following week or month, answer a few texts and/or emails from a few of the more "involved" parents who want a daily rundown of every second of their child's day and who will assume that, if they haven't heard from the provider by naptime, that something awful MUST have happened and so the only logical course of action is to send
more texts/emails with increasing frequency and concern/irritation. After that, the provider may get 10 full minutes {on a good day} to wolf down her own lunch before the kids start waking up and demanding juice and a snack and to go play outside. We may get a few minutes here and there, but it's definitely not the relaxing 90-120 minutes most parents assume.
DON'T judge your daycare provider by the clothing she wears. I've been doing home daycare for 4 years now and you know what I wear every day? Sweat pants and a tee-shirt. A hoodie or sweatshirt in the winter. Fitted yoga pants if I'm feeling sassy. I'm barefoot 90% of the time. Remember those first few weeks after your baby was born when you lived in sweats or, if you felt so inclined, your robe and pajamas, because you knew that by the end of the day you'd have spit-up and drool and snot and any other number of bodily secretions all over your clothes? It's like that. Only it's not just those gross secretions from our own sweet children, but
from other people's kids, too. Also, dirt from playing outside. And probably a little bit of paint, marker, glue and anything else we used for our art project that day. And don't forget the little bits of food that flew out of your child's mouth when he sneezed in the middle of lunch or snack and we just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. It makes absolutely no sense to "dress up" when you're a daycare provider and if your provider answers the door in makeup and heels you should think twice before leaving your kid with her because she is most definitely
not planning on providing any kind of good and appropriate childcare that day.
DON'T assume that every negative behavior your child picks up or every "bad" word he utters came from daycare. Remember a few nights ago when you got a call from a friend after your kid {supposedly} went to bed for the night and you responded "No fucking way!" after the friend shared a juicy piece of gossip? How about that after-hours call you had to take, where you muttered "Shit" when you saw your bosses number on the screen of your ringing phone? That time you burned your finger while cooking dinner and accidentally dropped an f-bomb? Or how about the million other times you might have uttered a not-so-nice word when your kid was within earshot but you thought he probably wasn't paying attention? Or the definitely-not-G-rated language coming from your favorite crime drama when your kid sneaks downstairs for "one more story" after you've put him to bed for the night? Or the group of teenagers trying to sound bad-ass and cursing up a storm when you happen to pass by them at the mall food court? Yeah, forget all those instances. Your kid
must have heard those bad words from daycare. {insert extreme eye roll here} As far as negative behaviors...there's a 50/50 chance your kid picked those up at daycare. But, trust me when I say that this is not the fault of the provider. Any provider worth her salt is not going to knock down a small child and take their toy. We're not going to go around biting kids or pulling their hair. If your child starts doing these things, assume that it's somewhat normal behavior for a young kid who is still learning how to behave in this giant world, and do your best to work with your own kid at home on nipping those behaviors in the bud. Also assume that your provider is doing her damndest to nip behaviors like this in bud during daycare, too.
DON'T think that, just because you pay her, your daycare provider "works for you". This is a business. Specifically, it's your daycare provider's business. You
pay her for a service; this does not mean that she's your employee. She doesn't work for you, and you don't get to make the rules just because you pay her.
DON'T minimize the impact your provider has in your child's life. We don't just change diapers and wipe noses all day. We
teach your kids, both the big stuff and the little stuff. You know that song your son keeps singing every day? He didn't learn it all by himself. How about his new-found ability to tie his shoes? Or the fact that your kid is now fully potty trained, despite the fact that she spends more awake hours at daycare than at home? I bet you're also noticing how well your toddler is talking these days, or how nicely your preschooler is sharing and/or cleaning. How 'bout the fact that your little one is really mastering the art of eating with utensils? Or putting her shoes on all by herself. Or buttoning up his own jacket. You can attribute a big chunk of that to your provider, because she's probably been working tirelessly with your kid on these life skills.
DO show {and tell} your provider that your appreciate her. Often. Any daycare provider will tell you: this is often a thankless job. The kids can be demanding, there's always a million and one things that need to get done at the same time, and the provider is {more often than not} the last person on anyone's mind. Trust me when I say that a simple "Thank You" goes a long way. A
really long way. We give our all to your children every day and a lot of the time our own wants and needs are forced to take a backseat...thank your provider. Tell her she's doing a good job and that you really appreciate it. Buy her a little gift at Christmastime. Acknowledge her and all the hard work she does each and every day. You have no idea how much we like and NEED to hear these things.
DO make your kids respect their provider and her home/rules. Especially when you're there with them. I've seen this happen too often. Mom or Dad drops off in the morning or picks up in the evening and their previously well-behaved little darling suddenly morphs into Asshole Of the Year, jumping on the furniture, pulling on the curtains, forgetting their manners, and generally acting like a little jerk. Yes, the provider will step in and nip that bad behavior in the bud, but it's also up to
you as the parent, to set an example to your child about how we act in other people's homes. Don't allow your kid to act like a derelict. Be firm and tell them to knock it off. The respect you show your provider and her home will speak volumes to your own child.
DO ask how your child's day was. Be prepared to get a ridiculous answer from your kid {We ate bugs and slept outside!}, but ask your provider. Generally, things get hectic at the end of the day when it's time for the kids to go home and your provider might be dividing her time between changing a last-minute diaper, making sure that everyone's bags are packed and ready to go, and keeping the rest of the kids from getting to wild and crazy when they see their friends going home. She may honestly forget to tell you a little tid bit about your child's day, but don't be afraid to ask her. We LIKE when parents show an interest in their children.
DO "donate" to your home daycare. I don't mean money. Send a snack for everyone one day. Pass along any extra stickers, paper, or craft supplies you have lying around the house. Donate old newspapers and plastic bags. Toilet paper rolls. Paper towels. Old toys and books that you're just going to throw away. We providers LOVE when parents donate things because
we can use it all. And, damn if that stuff doesn't get expensive when we have to keep buying it ourselves every month. Every little bit helps, and we appreciate it more than you know.
DO thank your provider in front of your kids. Not only because it's simple and basic manners, but because your kids are watching. Show your provider that you respect her and appreciate her and that you're thankful for her, and your kids will pick up on it. Also, I've said this before but it bears repeating.
A simple thank you goes a long way.
DO ask before dropping off early in the morning. And especially before picking up late in the evening. As a provider {and a human being} there is nothing --
NOTHING -- worse than sitting down with a fresh cup of coffee, ready to enjoy the next 10 minutes before the daycare kids are expected to arrive and hearing knocking on your door. Those 5 or 10 minutes might not seem important to you but they are everything to your daycare provider. We use those few minutes in the morning to prepare for our day. To mentally map out our schedule and our lessons and, yes, to gear ourselves up for those few "more challenging" kids we'll have in our care that day. To spend a little one-on-one time with our spouse and own kids before they're forced to share their mommy, their time, and their toys with everyone else all day. Those extra 5 or 10 minutes in the morning can make or break our day, and it's important to respect them. In the evening, the same rule applies. By the end of the day, we're all {kids and adults alike}
done. We're ready to get dinner going, start the kids' bedtime routines, get a few minutes in with them before it's time for bed and we have to go through the whole routine again tomorrow. You being late is not only rude, but it can throw off your provider's {and your own kid's} entire evening. Just don't do it.
DO make drop-off and pick-up short and sweet. There's no reason for drop-off and pick-up to take more than 3-5 minutes max. Even if your kid is a sobbing, screaming mess.
Especially if your kid is a sobbing, screaming mess. In the morning, drop them off inside the door, give them a quick kiss and an "I love you" and be on your way. Same thing in the evening. Meet your child at the door, tell her how much you missed her during the day, gather her bags, thank your provider, and walk out the door. Trust me when I say that quick pick-ups and drop-offs are much easier for everyone involved. Plus, it gives your provider more time to control her group before the next kid gets dropped off or picked up.
DO email or text your provider if you have a daycare-related question or concern. Do not expect a response from your provider immediately; she's busy. Don't spend your day wondering or worrying about your kid or about something having to do with daycare. Email your provider. Call or text her, but expect to leave a message because she's got a lot going on with a house full of kids. I guarantee you that she will get back to you as soon as things calm down a bit. You'll be glad to have any concerns addressed and your provider will be glad that you contacted her right away instead of letting it stew.
DO follow your daycare provider's sick policy. This is for your own child's health and well-being as much as it is for that of the other kids in the group. Kids are going to get sick, especially kids who are in daycare. And sending them sick is only going to perpetuate whatever illness is going around and cause a vicious cycle of sickness which is going to piss off the provider. Her sick policy isn't a "gentle reminder". It's a MUST FOLLOW, and I can tell you with certainty that many a provider I know {myself included} has terminated care because of a parent who continually sent their kid sick. It's rude, it's unhealthy, and it's not fair to the other kids or to the provider who are stuck surrounded by your kids germs all day. Keep your kid home for the duration stated in your provider's illness policy {most policies state that a child must stay home for 24-hours after being symptom-free without the aid of medication}. For God's sake, don't send your kid if you know he's contagious. That's negligent and the height of assholery. And don't be that jerk who medicates the hell out of her kid and sends her off to daycare assuming that the provider will be none-the-wiser.
We know. And we're holding it against you.
DO read your contract before signing it. The whole thing. And, for God's sake, ask questions if you have them. Don't wait until an issue arises and then make a big deal out of it because you didn't have the foresight to bring it up sooner
. Remember that your provider's contract, just like that of any other business, is binding and once you sign it you're expected to uphold the rules and follow the policies within it {or risk your provider terminating care}.
DO pay on time. Imagine you went to work one day expecting to receive your paycheck. You're mortgage is due, your cell phone and your electric bills need to be paid, the car insurance company is breathing down your neck to make sure they get paid on time, and this paycheck is going to cover all those bills and groceries for your family for the week. Imagine, then, that someone from payroll came over and said, "
Hey, we're not going to pay you today, mm-kay? We totally forgot to write out your check." Totally cool, right?
Wrong. When you don't pay your provider on time, you cause a series of teeny tiny chain reactions that, when all is said and done, will effect the care your child receives. Your payment is going toward the electric bill needed to power the provider's home for your child {have you ever tried to nap in a freezing cold house?}, the insurance needed to run her daycare, the monthly supplies needed for the children in her care, the water bill {sorry, kids, no water today...that means no going potty or water play outside!}, groceries {snacks for all of the kids don't just magically appear...your provider buys them}, and a million other little things that you don't even think about because you're not a childcare provider. Pay your provider on time. If you forget your payment when you drop your kid off, you'd better have it at pick-up that evening or expect to hit the ATM right away. Common sense and kindness, folks.
DO show your provider the respect that she deserves. She does so much more for your child than you'll ever know and she deserves all the respect in the world for it.
