The Terrible Twos Are Here!

My house is not often calm, nor is it quiet.  During the week, at any given time, there are between 4 and 6 kids here...they are not quiet, and there is no peace until they take a nap.  At which time, at least one of the babies is awake--if I were a more paranoid person, I would swear that there was some sort of conspiracy going on here.

In any case, you get my drift...it's not calm and quiet here during the day.

After the daycare kids go home, however, you'd think it would be calmer.  But that hasn't been the case lately.  The Terrible Twos have visited us, and show no sign of leaving any time soon.  Those of you who know us well know that Bailey has never been a "sit quietly and use an inside voice" kind of girl.  From day one she was a screamer when things didn't go her way and, whether excited, sad, angry or happy, she has no concept of using an "inside voice".  Everyone around her knows exactly how she's feeling at all times. 

The last few days have been especially trying with her.  For no reason at all (that I can see), all of her patience has gone.  When she wants something or wants to do something, it has to be done right now or she goes into full-on crisis mode, complete with screaming and, sometimes, throwing things.  Yesterday afternoon, she couldn't find the flap on her baby's diaper.  Her anger went from zero to Defcon 5 in a matter of seconds and nothing I did could calm her down.  She screamed, she threw herself on the floor, she stood up and threw her baby across the room.  Same thing happened when she wanted to have soda and I told her we didn't have any (we did, but I didn't want her to drink it).  Same story again at bath time and bed time.  All day long, I alternated between wanting to run away screaming and permanently trading her for one of my daycare kids. 

A calmer mother might have been able to overlook these tantrums, work through them, and recognize them for what they are--Bailey's way of coping when we don't understand her or when she doesn't know how to ask for what she needs or wants.  A calmer mother might have quietly calmed her down and gone about her day, forgetting completely about the incident.  I, on the other hand, chose a different route.

When she screamed and tried to bite me, I sent her to her room and let her scream in there for a good ten minutes...then sat down and cried my eyes out, guilty that I made her cry all by herself  in her bedroom and sad that I couldn't be the kind of mother she needed to get her through the trials of her everyday life (however minute and ridiculous they may seem to an adult).

I don't know these days if my uncertainty and feelings of failure are normal or if they're exacerbated by the pregnancy.  Do all mothers, at some point, feel like they're completely unqualified to do the simple tasks required to ensure their child's happiness on any given day?  Am I the only one dealing with a screaming, tantruming child that I sometimes don't recognize and often don't know how to control?

In a moment of uncertainty, I posted (what I thought was a witty) status on Facebook about how we were screwed if baby number two is as crazy as Bailey.  Surprisingly, a lot of people commented and gave me some good advice or just let me know that I wasn't totally alone.  An old friend from high school who has 3 kids now (and who I admire because every status update and every picture she posts show a houseful of happy, calm and "good-listening" children...how does she do it?!) made a comment that she found that number #2 mellowed out number #1.  What?!

She knows what I'm talking about, and has had the same sort of issues with her kids that I have with mine.

Maybe I'm not a crap mother, after all.  Maybe I do know what I'm doing, and just need to focus and navigate us all through this rough patch right now.  Maybe Bailey's tantrums and behavior aren't a reflection of my abilities and skill (or lack-there-of) as a mother...maybe they really are just her way of dealing with a complicated world and situations that, to her, seem difficult and out of her control. 

And maybe...just maybe...we're not alone.

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And, because I'm feeling guilty now, I want to add that Bailey came downstairs this morning a TOTALLY different person than the angry, screaming little girl she was last night.  She has A LOT of great moments, and just a few not-so-great (read: screaming, tantruming, "I hate the world") moments.  It just so happens that the not-so-good moments are the ones that overwhelm me and stick with me longer.  I still, and will always, love her unconditionally and like crazy.  She'll always be my girl...even when she's screaming at me.