I belong to a group of over 11,000 mothers on Babycenter. We come from all over the world and each of us had a baby in June 2010. A few days ago, one of the moms in the group posed a question to all of us: What has your baby taught you? Immediately, the board was flooded with responses from all of the women and I started to really think about the question. What has Bailey taught me? In the (almost) 11 short months since she's been here, I've learned more from her than I ever thought possible. As parents, we're always told that our children learn from us. That we are the ones responsible for teaching them core values, morals, right from wrong. We're so busy making sure that we're teaching them the right things that I'm not sure any of us has ever actually stopped for a minute to realize that in the midst of all our teaching we've also been the learners. I've been thinking about all that I've learned in the last year. While I'm sure I can't sum it all up in a simple blog post, I thought maybe I could make a little list anyway. In 13 years when Bailey wants nothing to do with me and would rather hang out with her friends than *gasp!* with her mom, it will be nice to look back at this and remember all the things my baby taught me in our first year together. So here goes...
Bailey has taught me:
...that it's okay to cry. For the first few months, this is pretty much all either of us did. We cried together, we cried separately. We cried in anger, in pain, in sleepiness, in frustration, in confusion. I watched Bailey sleeping one day, watched her tiny chest rise and fall with each breath, watched her lips part until she was sleeping with her mouth open. She smiled in her sleep and I burst into tears. Not because I was sad or angry or in pain, but because I couldn't wrap my head around the miracle that was my daughter. My heart wasn't big enough to hold all the things I felt for her and her unconscious smile just did me in. She and I have cried numerous times since those first early days, but Bailey has taught me that there's no shame in crying. Sometimes it's just what the doctor ordered.
...to slow down. I used to rush through each day, just waiting for one to end so another could begin, not really focusing. Since having Bailey, I've learned to slow down and to appreciate every single second. The days go by even faster now, but I don't miss a thing. I've seen every smile and every fall, heard every giggle and every cry. I've watched Bailey reach every milestone, and I've truly savored each minute. I don't feel like I've missed a thing since I learned to slow down and enjoy.
...to be an advocate. I've learned that I need to be a voice for my daughter right now. She can't stand up for herself, so I need to do it for her. I'm very non-confrontational, I avoid conflict at all cost, and I very, very rarely stand up to people for any reason. But I've learned that if I can't do that for my daughter, no one will. She depends on me to make sure that she is taken care of and is getting everything that she needs, and she's taught me to stand up for myself and for her.
...to persevere. It's amazing how much my little girl has learned in just the last few months. More than any adult could possibly hope to learn. When she started pulling up on things and began to fall often, I held my breath every time she hit the floor, just waiting for her to cry and lay down in defeat. I know I would. But Bailey surprises me every time. Not only does she NOT give up, but she gets back up with a smile. She spent almost 3 weeks trying to master climbing the stairs. Every single day she would spend hours trying to get her chubby little leg lifted high enough to get up on that step. EVERY. DAY. But then, all of a sudden, she was doing it! Three days ago, she climbed an entire flight of stairs...all by herself (with Scott standing behind her, just in case). She's stubborn and persistent, and I can only hope that a little bit of that perseverance rubs off on me.
...to never hold back. Bailey is no-holds-barred in every facet of life. When she's sad, she cries and we all know it. When she's frustrated, she screeches, and sometimes throws things. When she's angry she screams at the top of her lungs. I don't condone the screaming and throwing things, and often wonder how to break her of that habit. But then something makes her happy...and she feels it 110%. She claps her hands and squeals in delight, and her glee is contagious. Her eyes get bigger and brighter then normal, and you just can't help being happy with her. Bailey has no problem showing emotion and I'm (slowly) learning not to hold back so much in my own life.
...that the little things are what matter most. Money isn't everything and will only get you so far. A designer purse looks great...until you spill your coffee on it. A big house just means more area to clean. Expensive clothes won't be in style forever. Bailey has taught me to worry less about the little things and to appreciate what I do have: family, friends, my husband and child, my health. The big house, the expensive clothes and accessories...they mean nothing in the long run.
...that the dishes can wait. Bailey will only be small for a little while. I can choose to spend this time vacuuming the carpets, folding the laundry, washing the dishes and dusting the furniture. Or I can spend this time enjoying my baby and all that she's learning and doing, forging a bond with her and sharing in each new experience with her. The dishes aren't going to climb out of the sink and run away, and the laundry will still be in the dryer where I left it. But my daughter will only be "my baby" for a short time, and I don't want to miss a single second of that time.
...to take pride in myself and my body. I've struggled with this since high school, and it's taken Bailey less than a year to really bring it into focus for me. The last time I wore shorts in public, I was 18 and much, much thinner than I am now. And while I won't be sporting my short shorts any time soon, I AM proud of my body and what it has accomplished. It may never look the same as it did just 18 months ago. I have stretch marks and dimples and lumps where I didn't used to before. The baby weight has not just "melted" off of me. It's easy to look in the mirror and get discouraged about it. But then I look at my daughter and I can't be anything but proud of what this body has done for me. I may not be a size 2, but every mark, every dimple, every lump tells a story and has brought me to where I am today. My stretch marks are a source of pride for me now, and when I see them I'm reminded of those last few precious weeks when it was just Bailey and me...before I had to share her with the rest of the world. This body carried a baby. It sustained another human life for 9+ months. Sure, it will most likely never look the same again. But the change is SO worth it, and I'm reminded of that every time I look at my little girl.
...what true love REALLY is. Everyone always says "you never know true love until you have a baby", and I never really understood that concept until Bailey came along. I love my husband like crazy and I couldn't imagine my life without him. He's my best friend and there's no one else that I want to (or could imagine choosing to) spend my life with. But the love I have for Bailey is completely all-encompassing and overshadows the love I feel for anyone else on the planet. Hands down if I had to choose between Bailey and any other person in the world, it would be her. Every time. And I would expect the very same answer from Scott. Loving your spouse is one thing. But the love you feel for your child is something completely different, and I didn't know I had that kind of feeling in me until I was blessed with Bailey.
See, all this time I thought I was the one teaching her. Teaching her how to stand up, how to clap her hands and to play peek-a-boo, how to roll over and how to wave. Turns out, when it comes to the really important things, all this time she was the one teaching me. And I couldn't have asked for a better lesson.
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