Snuggle Bug

This morning I got to do something I haven't been able to do in a long time.  I snuggled in bed with Bailey and Scott...and it was a wonderful way to start my day.

We've never technically co-slept.  Bailey always started out the night in her cradle next to our bed (when she was a newborn) or in the crib in her own room (as she got a bit older).  It never occurred to us to bring her into our bed until she was about 5 months old and had just started sleeping in her crib...all the way down the hall from us.

I'll admit I wasn't ready for her to be sleeping in her own room yet.  In fact, the first time she did, it was because my mom had put her to sleep instead of me.  She still wasn't sleeping through the night at this point and it was just more convenient to have her in the cradle or pack-n-play next to our bed than for me to get out of bed and walk down the hall every time she woke up in the middle of the night.  But once she started sleeping in her crib, we all seemed to sleep a bit better, so Scott and I continued to put her in her crib at night.

The first night she came into bed with us was a complete accident.  It was month 6 of us getting up at least 3 times at night and we were exhausted.  I gave Bailey a bottle and when she finished it I was comfy in bed and just plain old too tired to get up again.  So I tucked her in the crook of my arm, gave her a bink and pat her butt for a minute.  She let out the teeniest little sigh, snuggled up against me and fell asleep holding onto my finger.  I fell in love all over again.

We didn't do this every night...didn't want to start any bad habits.  But I loved it.  So every Saturday morning, at her usual wake-up time of 4am, I walked down the hall and brought Bailey into bed with me.  Tucked her into my arm, gave her the bink, waited for the snuggle and the sigh.  That was our "thing" on the weekends, and nothing and no one was important enough to make me want to get out of bed before she woke up for good.  On one occasion, I snuggled there with her until almost 10am. After a while, she started sleeping through the night.  Then she became mobile and I was afraid she'd scootch or crawl off the side of the bed.  And, just like that, my snuggle time was over.  I missed it, and mourned my loss in a way.  That was one of my very favorite parts of motherhood (so far) and I felt like I was losing my baby, if that makes any sense.  She didn't NEED to snuggle with me to fall back to sleep anymore.  In fact, it was almost an annoyance to her once she became mobile.  She just wanted to crawl and roll around the bed.

BUT...thanks to teeth numbers 3 and 4 popping through, Bailey was up at 4:45 this morning.  Scott went in and she was still inconsolable, so he brought in our room.  I laid her next to me and gave her the bink and it was like our old routine had never ended.  She calmed down, snuggled against me, let out that teeny, tiny sigh...and fell asleep.  She woke up once more around 5:30, rolled to Scott, and nestled against him.

I didn't realize until this morning just HOW much I missed doing that with her.  These days, she's constantly on the go and the only time I can get her to sit still for any length of time is when she's eating.  She doesn't even like me to hold her while she drinks bottle.  She'll tolerate it for a few minutes, but then she wants to get down and do it herself.  She's quickly decided that she enjoys her independence, and it makes me sad sometimes.  Before I know it, she'll be borrowing my car and I'll be left shaking my head and wondering where the hell the years have gone.

Lucky for me, at least this morning, she gave up some of that independence and let me enjoy a very blissful mommy moment.

And I'll always have THIS memory...

Mommy and Bailey at 2 days old.