My Goals For Motherhood: Blogging With a Purpose

Things have been so busy around here lately that I haven't had time to sit down and devote much effort to the blog, so expect about a hundred posts all at once...I have a lot to catch up on!

The topic for today's Blogging With a Purpose is "My Goals For Motherhood".  If someone had asked me before I had kids, my goals would probably have been fairly superficial.  Raise my kids to be decent people...Retain some semblance of MILF status (don't laugh...these were my goals before having kids)...Dress my kids in cute clothes at all times...yadda, yadda, yadda.  Since having kids, though, my goals have changed (I'd like to think for the better).  Now, my most important goals for motherhood are...

...to teach my children respect.  For themselves and for others.  This one's kind of a no-brainer.  I was raised to show respect, and I expect my kids to do the same.  We work on manners with them very early, and more often than not Bailey will say "please" and "thank you" without being prompted.  That's not to say that she's got it down pat...we still work on both teaching and showing respect every single day.  My hope is that, by seeing Scott's and my behavior toward others and toward each other, that our children will grow up to be respectful individuals by nature. 

...to show my children what a healthy, loving relationship is.  Growing up, my parents weren't ones for public displays of affection.  I know that they both love me and my siblings, but it wasn't often spoken in our house and I can count on one hand the number of times I've actually witnessed an affectionate moment between my parents.  Scott is a much more outwardly affectionate person than I am.  It took me awhile to be comfortable hugging and/or kissing him in public, and I think we were both surprised at how the other approached it.  Since Bailey and Gerry were born, we've worked hard to show them what a loving relationship looks like.  We tell them that we love them every single day, that we're proud of them, and that they make us happy.  We give them hugs and kisses like it's going out of style.  And we also make sure to tell each other, in the presence of our children, that we love each other.  Bailey and Gerry have witnessed many a loving moment between Scott and me, and our hope is that they grow up to appreciate and to honor their own relationships.

...to teach my kids to love and respect their bodies.  There is so much more to this than just realizing and discovering their bodies.  I want them to love their body for what it can do and not for how it looks.  As she gets older, I want Bailey to look in the mirror and appreciate the way her limbs move when she dances or how her hands work together with the rest of her body when she plays an instrument or throws a ball.  I do not want her to focus on the few extra pounds she may be carrying or the stretch marks that may appear.  When Gerry looks in the mirror, I want him to appreciate the strength in those legs he likes to kick so much these days or how well the different parts of his body work together to enable him to do the things he loves to do, whether it be playing sports or an instrument, or simply drawing or painting.  I do not want him to only appreciate his body for the muscles he may or may not have.  I want my children to know that they are more than just bodies.  Thin or not, muscular or not, tall or not, they are people and they are loved.

...to be present as my children grow up.  I don't think there's a mother on Earth who has children with the sole purpose of ignoring them once they're born.  One of the goals that is most important to me is to be there as my children grow.  In this age of technology, it's easy to get distracted by the internet or our cell phones or Twitter/Facebook, and it breaks my heart when I see other parents miss out on some of the amazing things their kids do because they had their noses buried in their iPhone.  I'll admit that I'm guilty of letting technology consume me at times, but I make a very concentrated effort to put away my phone when I'm with my kids.  Sure, I may be on the computer when we're at home and they're playing quietly with toys.  But I never let technology keep me from my kids when they need or want me.  I'm home with them all day every day, a decision and a choice that I've never regretted making, and I love the fact that I'm there for it all.  I want to be there for every athletic event, every art show, every poetry reading, every concert, every thing that they do, for as long as they'll let me.  I want them to know that I'm interested and focused on them, and that I support them.  When they grow up, I want them to remember that mom was always there.

...to give my children a healthy sense of self.  Scott and I have created some damn adorable children together; people are always commenting on how pretty Bailey's eyes are or what a great smile Gerry has, and how they both should have been Gerber babies.  I'm proud and happy that other people think they're as beautiful as I do, but I want them to know that they are SO much more than just pretty faces.  They're smart and strong and creative and funny and fascinating, and I don't ever want them to think that their worth is wrapped up solely in their looks.  They are so much more than that, and I want them to know and to appreciate that as they get older.

...to show my children that I love them every day.  Bailey is 3 now, and we've had many, many days where we were both just "done" by bedtime.  We've pushed each other's buttons, we've raised our voices a time or two, and we've been disappointed and angry with each other on occasion.  I suspect that it'll be much of the same with Gerry as he hits those difficult toddler years.  But no matter how angry they're made me or how frazzled I've been, I always -- ALWAYS-- make a point to tell my children that I love them.  Every day.  A million times a day.  Even after Bailey has screamed and thrown a tantrum and I've banished her to her room for a timeout...I always tell her that I love her.  Even after all that.  Especially after all that.  Because I want them to know that no matter how angry or sad or disappointed I may get, I will always love them.  No matter what.  There is nothing they can do that will make me stop loving them.  Nothing.  One of my happiest moments of motherhood so far has been Bailey saying that she loves me.  After a temper tantrum, when she's happy, when she's sad, and for no reason at all.  Hearing those words from her, unprompted, makes me happy in a way that I never expected.  And I know that she knows that I love her, too.  When I say it, and when I show it.