I remember how for months everyone and their mother kept giving me tips and advice for surviving pregnancy, both solicited and not. Sleep now, because you're not going to once that baby gets here! Try primrose oil/walking/jumping jacks/lots of sex to get labor started once you're near your due date. Don't pick a name that's too trendy. Don't pick a name that's not trendy enough. The list goes on and on. So, for this week's blogging with a purpose, here are my own tips (in no particular order) for all of you expectant mothers:
1. Take any and all advice with a grain of salt. Seriously. Most people have nothing but the best intentions when they offer a suggestion, but don't feel like you have to adhere to everyone's rules for pregnancy. This is your experience.
2. Take lots of belly photos. One of my biggest regrets from my first pregnancy was that I took, maybe, a total of 6 pictures the whole time I was pregnant. And those were just ones that I happened to be in, not ones that were specifically for showing off my baby bump. Strut that bump proudly, mamas! Take at least one picture every 4 weeks. And don't forget to label them so you know the date and how far along you were in each of them. I LOVE looking back at all the belly pictures I took during my second pregnancy, and I so wish that I had thought to do it with my first. There's something so sweet and awe-inspiring about seeing your belly grow and knowing that your baby is in there just waiting to be born.
3. Sleep when you're tired. Everyone always says this and, after my first was born, it used to annoy me whenever someone said it. How am I supposed to sleep when I've got this sweet, adorable, little miracle that I can look at and hold whenever I want to? I never slept when my babies slept. Never. But when I was pregnant? You better believe I did! With both of my pregnancies, I was so exhausted in the first trimester that I used to fall asleep in the middle of the day and was out cold for the night by 8pm. In fact, that familiar feeling of exhaustion was what clued me in to the fact that I was, indeed, pregnant the second time around. It gets better in the 2nd trimester, but then that old familiar friend comes back again in the 3rd trimester. Don't fight it...sleep! It's hard work growing a baby. If this is your first pregnancy you should have no problem just passing out whenever (and wherever) you want. If you've got other kids, though, don't feel guilty about letting your partner take over the nighttime duties so you can get some extra rest.
4. Don't stress about getting everything done. The first time around, I made sure that all baby clothes were washed and put away and that the nursery was all set and ready to go by the time I was about 21 weeks along. I stressed myself and Scott out for weeks because I wanted it done before the baby came and you know what? She didn't spend more than 3 minutes at a time in there until she was 5 months old. Everything will come together and things will get done, so don't waste precious time worrying about it. And if the baby's room isn't finished before he or she gets here? No big deal. All they need, really, is a bassinet or a pack-and-play to sleep in, and you're good to go. You'll have plenty of time to sweat the small stuff after the baby is born.
5. Don't let other people's opinions influence you. When it comes to choosing your baby's name, your nursery colors or theme, how you plan to give birth, how you plan to feed your baby...everyone has an opinion about everything. Think about what you want to do and how you want to raise your child, and do that. Scott and I had decided on a name for our son before we had even gotten married, so when we found out that our second baby was a boy we were good to go. But when people inevitably asked what we were planning to name him and we told them, we got a lot of mixed responses. "But that's such an old man name." "Are you really going to spell it with a 'G'?" and "People are going to think you named him after the guy you were obsessed with in high school." But Scott and I were steadfast in our decision because the name we chose for our son had special meaning to us. For the record, his name is Gerald Anthony, and we call him Gerry. Yes, it sounds like an "old man" name because it IS the name of two older men. We named him after Scott's grandfather, Gerald, and my grandfather, Anthony. Two strong men. Two "family" men. Two men that we loved and respected. There was never a question in either of our minds that the name we chose was The One. And you know something? It fits our son perfectly.
6. Throw your birth plan out the window. A friend of mine is a labor and delivery nurse and she put it to me this way: 9 times out of 10, when a woman comes in with a birth plan, nothing goes according to her plan. Every pregnancy is different and every labor is different. With my first, I went into labor on my own the morning before my scheduled induction. I was 6 cm when we got to the hospital, I got my epidural fairly quickly, felt little to no pain, pushed for 25 minutes, and had a wonderful birth experience. Everything went smoothly, and I felt so proud and so powerful afterward. I loved everything about it. Everything. The 2nd time around, though, was a bit of a nightmare. I was induced 9 days past my due date and was expecting an even easier time of it, since I had done it once before. This time, though, because of the medication used to induce, I didn't have any time to really realize and understand that Okay, this is it, I'm in labor. In the space of less than an hour, I went from feeling nothing at all to having strong contractions one on top of the other with no break in between. My epidural failed, and I essentially gave birth with no pain meds. Because a failed epidural wasn't part of my "plan", and because I really didn't have time to think about the fact that I was going to give birth without any sort of aid to help with the pain, I freaked out a little bit. I remember at one point just falling back onto the pillow, exhausted, and saying, "I can't do it anymore. I'm done." (side note: Just because you say you're done does not mean that your baby is going to listen to you and just come on out...you still have work to do). Had I known beforehand that the epidural wasn't going to take, I could have prepared myself better and probably would have enjoyed the experience more. I still only pushed for a little more than 20 minutes, but it was by far the most exhausting and most painful thing I've ever done. The phrase "Plan for the worst and hope for the best" is a good one to abide by in this case
7. Spend lots of one-on-one time with your husband before the baby is born. Having a baby changes so many aspects of your life and, in my case, my marriage was the biggest change. Once the baby was born, I had a hard time taking off my "Mommy" hat and putting on my "Wife" hat and, as a result, my marriage was neglected for awhile. I spent, literally, all of my time and energy on focusing on my baby that I failed to realize that Scott needed some attention, too. In the midst of all the craziness of being a new parent those first few weeks, though, I often thought about our last week together before our first baby was born. And I still think about it. Scott was on summer break and I started my maternity leave a few days before my due date. Bailey, of course, came 6 days late, so Scott and I got a good week together without work or any other commitments getting in the way. We spent those few days lounging around the house, taking walks, going to the movies, and talking about what we thought it was going to be like with a baby in the house. Together. That week was the last time that we only had to worry about ourselves. The last time we got to be really selfish and do what we wanted to do. The last time that it was "just us". I will always remember those few days and I highly recommend every couple take a few days to just be with each other, with no distractions, before that baby comes.
8. Have a "worst case scenario" plan in place. This is something that no one wants to think about, especially when you're preparing to bring a new life into the world, but make sure that you have a plan in place in case, God forbid, something should happen to you or to the baby during delivery. Scott knows all the important medical stuff about me and I made sure that he knew exactly how I felt about things and I wanted to be done if, by some horrible twist of fate, something awful were to happen to me or the baby or both of us. I took it a step further and packed a giant index card on the very top of my hospital bag with all of my important medical information, birth date, "in case of emergency" wishes, and anything else I wanted my medical team to know about me and what I wanted for myself and my baby should an emergency arise. I also made sure that I wrote that,' in the event that I am unable to make a conscious and coherent decision regarding my labor and delivery, I give full permission for my husband and my mother to make any and all medical decisions pertaining to my health and the health of my baby on my behalf'. Odds are that you'll never need to use your "worst case scenario plan", but it always makes me feel better to have something in place. Especially now that I've got children to worry about.
9. Keep track of all those important pregnancy milestones. There is nothing...NOTHING...better than feeling that first kick from your baby. Hearing his or her heartbeat, seeing him or her in an ultrasound, baby hiccups, the rolls and tiny movements from your baby while "on the inside", finding out your baby's gender, buying his or her "coming home" outfit, your baby shower...there are so many important milestones during your pregnancy that it can be easy to forget things like dates and whatnot after the fact. So write it down! Keep a journal or a blog, set a note in your phone. Take pictures when things happen. Document the little and the big things that happen throughout your pregnancy, right up til the end. It will be one of your very favorite things to have and to look back at after your baby is born.
10. Enjoy every single second of your pregnancy. Even when you're so tired you can barely stay awake throughout the day. Even when you're nauseous. Even when (especially when) your baby is kicking the hell out of you and it feels like he's about to crack a rib or two. I was in pain for most of my 2nd pregnancy, thanks to SPD and the fact that Gerry kicked like a soccer star and bounced around like a ninja on speed from very early on. By the time I hit 40 weeks, I was just done. I was ready to meet my little man, ready to be able to take a deep breath and to sleep comfortable again...I was just ready. But when it was all said and done, and I was finally holding my son in my arms...I missed it. I missed feeling him kicking like a lunatic. I missed the big belly, and the hiccups. I missed talking to my belly every day, and I missed the feeling that he and I were so incredibly connected. I missed it. So take the time to enjoy pregnancy, even if you're not feeling 100%. You might just regret it if you don't.
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