Bullying

I watched a show on CBS the other night called "Bullying: Words Can Kill", and I can't get it out of my head.  It seems like every time you turn around these days another kid has committed suicide because of bullying or another video of someone being bullied has been leaked on the internet.  It's great that bullying is getting so much national attention now and that anti-bullying movements are taking place everywhere...but I don't feel like we've made any progress in the years since I was a kid. The news about bullying these days brings me back to my own experience, and I wish that more could be done to put a stop to it today.

I went through 4 years of hell in middle school.  I started 5th grade in a very small Catholic school, and I was the "new kid".  The school was so small, in fact, that I graduated (8th grade) with just 12 people in my entire class.  I'm not going to go into too much detail about my experience, but it was awful.  I was pushed, kicked, spit on, talked about, and mocked on a daily basis.  I used to have such severe anxiety about going to school that I threw up every morning.  I never knew what would set off the bully, and I never knew when it would happen.  I suffered a concussion after being kicked in the head one day.  Another day, I was pushed into a coat hook and ripped fresh stitches (from a mole removal) in my back.  Just ONE person (ironically, the smallest girl in our class) started the bullying and EVERY SINGLE student in my class (and some who weren't even in our class) followed her.  It was hell.

I will never forget going to school the day before I was scheduled to have heart surgery.  I was going to be out of school for a few weeks and was gathering up all my books and assignments to do at home in a large paper bag.  "My" bully walked over to me, ripped the bag holding all my books, and told me she hoped I died on the operating table.

Thanks to my family, I never for even a second, thought about taking my own life like some of the kids we hear about today.  My parents fought like hell to get the bullying to stop, with absolutely no support from anyone in the school.  The principal told my parents that I just needed to grow a thicker skin.  They fought tooth and nail, and did anything they could to make my time in that school better.  (They gave me the opportunity to switch schools when I was in 7th grade, and I stupidly refused).  I credit them and the rest of my family with getting me through those 4 years and helping me become the person I am today.

My experience with bullying in the Catholic school system is the sole reason why I will NEVER put Bailey in Catholic school.  For 4 years, both lay teachers and the nuns looked the other way.  For 4 years they knew what was going on.  For 4 years they saw it happening, they met with my parents on a regular basis, and they did nothing.  Telling a 10-year-old that she just needs to grow thicker skin is NOT a solution to a bullying problem. 

I'm terrified of this when it's time for Bailey to go to school.  I hope and pray that she never goes through what I went through for those 4 years.  That period of time shaped the person I am today.  It made me look at the world a little bit differently than I would have had I not been bullied.  It taught me empathy and to always, always treat others the way I would want to be treated.  It did not teach me to "grow a thicker skin", but I did learn a few things about myself along the way.  I learned that I can survive a seemingly insurmountable situation.  I learned that I am a good person.  I learned that, no matter what I go through in life, I will ALWAYS have my family to help me through it and to "weather the storm" with me.

I hope that by the time Bailey is in school something more has been done to stop bullying in schools.  I know it's a difficult thing to deal with, but I also know that it is absolutely possible to bring light to the situation and to work toward putting a stop to it.

My family always jokes around that Bailey won't take crap from anybody.  In a way, I hope she doesn't and I'm so relieved that she'll stick up for herself when she feels she needs to.  But then I think, will the fact that she doesn't take crap from people turn her into a bully?  How do you help your kids find that middle ground, so that they learn to stick up for themselves but NOT to become the bully?  I hope that when the time comes, we're able to teach Bailey the difference.  I hope that she never has to go through what I went through, and I hope that she stays her sweet self and doesn't let peer pressure turn her into someone she's not.

I feel like I missed out on a big chunk of my childhood because of the years I was bullied.  Will I ever forget my "bullied years"?  No.  Do I forgive the person(s) who bullied me and those who took part in the bullying?  Not completely, but to a certain extent.  But I'm grateful, in a way, because that period of time helped me to become the person I am today.  Because of it, I'm a good friend, a good mother, an empathetic person.  I know what values are important to me, and I can pass them along to my own daughter.  I know that bullying DOES happen, and I know the signs to look for to make sure it doesn't happen to Bailey and that, conversely, she isn't the one bullying another child.

When I hear stories on the news of kids killing themselves (bullycide, they call it) it breaks my heart.  To think of how terrible it must be for these kids, that they think that taking their lives is the only solution to the problem should be a serious wake-up call to all of us.  This should not be happening.