Miss Independent

Bailey is becoming more and more independent, much to my chagrin.  She wants to do everything herself, .  whether it be getting dressed or brushing her teeth, opening doors or buckling herself in her car seat.  She doesn't need (an, more importantly, she doesn't want) any help at all.  And I'm not sure how I feel about that.

On the one hand, I'm insanely proud of how independent and self-sufficient she is at not-even-3-years-old.  She gets herself dressed and undressed without any help, and I never have to worry about her when it comes to maneuvering the stairs.  She's figured out how to buckle her car seat and she's able to lock and unlock most doors.  She's able to drink out of regular cups, and 9 times out of 10 she can pour things from one cup into another without spilling.  When she wants something she can't reach, she figures out a way to get it.  More often than not, unfortunately, this involves moving various pieces of furniture until she's able to climb to reach whatever it is she wants.  I know that, being her mother, I'm biased when it comes to things like this, but I really think that she's a bit ahead of most kids her age when it comes to these kinds of tasks.  I cannot believe how much she's already capable of doing on her own.

But, on the other hand, this newly discovered independence makes me so, so sad.  Tonight, I tried to help her get her pajamas on and she insisted on doing it all by herself.  When she got stuck trying to fit her head through an armhole, I was only allowed to sit on the couch and verbally talk her through it...she wouldn't let me touch her clothes or do it for her.  She took it upon herself to drag a chair over, take the fish food off the counter, and feed her fish...all without any help from me.  When she wants to go outside, she puts her shoes on...without my help.

And, just like that, she doesn't need me anymore.

Overnight, she became this whole other person.  Completely separate from me.  With her own abilities and strengths.  I feel like she becomes a little bit more grown up every day.  Don't get me wrong - I'm happy that she's able to navigate throughout the day with little help.  It gives me comfort to know that, if need be, she could do all these things for herself.  But there's a part of me...a GIANT part of me...that is sitting here and mourning the loss of the baby who was so dependent on me for so long.  I blinked, and she went from this teeny tiny little infant who needed me to do everything from feeding her to clothing her to bathing her and everything in between to a little girl who really doesn't need her mommy all that much.  A little girl who knows what she wants, who can decide things for herself, and who doesn't need help with very many things anymore.

I'm in awe of her and proud of her, and I absolutely adore the young girl that she's becoming.  I love that I'm the first person she comes running to when she learns to complete a new skill.  But I'll miss the days when she needed me.  I'll miss the days when I was her whole world.  The same part of me that cheers her independence today is mourning the fact that she needed me just a little bit more yesterday.  She's growing up before my eyes and, while I can't wait to see the person she becomes, I wish that I could slow down time just a little bit.