What We Make Of It: Happy 1st Birthday, Bailey!

Today is Bailey's very first birthday, and it was bittersweet. On the one hand, I'm so happy for her and so incredibly proud of the little girl she is and who I know she'll become. But on the other hand, I'm so sad that my baby isn't going to be "my baby" for much longer.

After we put Bailey to bed last night, Scott and I were talking about the past year and how wonderful (and crazy, hectic, emotional) it's been. Scott said to me, "You know what's weird? On this night last year, we were up doing laundry until 2 in the morning and we had no idea that Bailey would be here the next day". He's right. Even though she was almost a week past her due date, I STILL wasn't expecting her this time last year. Crazy, isn't it? There I was, big as a house, folding laundry and sucking on ice chunks because I was so hot and so thirsty. Little did I know, when I finally crawled into bed just before 2am, that less than four hours later we'd be heading to the hospital to welcome our baby girl.

I've said it here before and I'll reiterate it again. The first few months were HARD. All my years in childcare did not in any way, shape or form prepare me for having my own little one. Between the post-partum depression, exhaustion, and sheer cluelessness about how to raise a baby, I was a bundle of nerves and an absolute mess. It had become quite clear to me (and very quickly, at that) that being a mother in real life was not the same as the "pretend" mommy I was when I played house with my sister as a child. It was much more work than I'd expected, and I was not prepared for the flood of emotion that came, not only with becoming a mother, but with being the sole proprietor of this little being. It was up to me (and Scott) to make sure that this tiny person survived, that she was fed and taken care of and that her basic and emotional needs were met. It was daunting. We weathered hormones and sickness, screaming fits (from Bailey AND from me), belly aches and teething pains, scrapes and falls, doctor's visits and an emergency room visit.

Scott and I have questioned ourselves on many occasions; we've argued and we've made up. We've worried together and we've celebrated her milestones together. We've taken turns sitting up with her in the middle of the night, snuggling her close when she was sick, and rocking her when she was restless. We've been through a lot in the last year, and I've found a new appreciation for my husband since we became parents. He is, by far, the best person to be "in this" with, and I'm grateful for him more often than I mention. The last year has been more difficult than I had anticipated, more challenging than I'd expected, and much more rewarding than I had ever hoped it would be. If I could go back and do it all over again, I would. In a heart beat. If I've failed at every thing else I've attempted in my lifetime, I can honestly say, without a doubt, that Bailey is the single greatest thing I've ever done. She is my biggest accomplishment, my best success, and my "favorite thing". I can't believe that I waited so long for her.

We went out tonight to celebrate Bailey's birthday, and had dinner at Bertucci's. Her party isn't until Saturday, but Scott and I wanted to make the day a little special for her, even though she has no clue it's her birthday. She shared some pasta with me, and then had her very own birthday tiramisu (which I paid for later when it came time to change her diaper). She dug right into her "cake", made a mess and seemingly loved every minute of it. We took a ton of pictures, and I'm sure we'll have tons more after her party this weekend. Until then, here are a few to tide you all over...