Special Needs Mom?

Between my three children, we deal with ADHD, Tourette Syndrome, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED), and anxiety on a daily basis.  Those are just the diagnoses, it's not factoring in all the unseen symptoms and behaviors that go along with them.  We've got a damn pot of alphabet soup over here.  

The other day I was on the phone with one of our doctors and she referred to me as a "special needs mom" and I was sort of taken by surprise.  The rest of our conversation went like this:

Me: "Well, I wouldn't say 'special needs' per se..."

Doc: "What makes you think you're not a special needs parent?"

Me: "None of my kids are actually disabled or have Down Syndrome or cancer or a muscular disease or anything.  They're just tough kids.  Challenging.  There's nothing physically wrong with any of them. Most of the time you can't even tell there's anything wrong until Gerry starts ticking or Lincoln hulks out or something.  And even then they just look weird or bad."

Doc: "Do your children have specific diagnoses?  Do they need outside assistance or  different  supports to get through a typical day?  Do you and your husband need to parent differently than a typical set of parents would because of your children's diagnoses?  The answer is yes, yes, and yes.  Your kids might not be physically disabled but they have what are called "invisible disablities" and they are special needs.  It's not a bad word, and the sooner you come to terms with it, the better an advocate you'll be for them."

So, as hesitant as I am about it, I guess I'm a special needs parent.  And I don't say that I'm hesitant because I look at special needs as a bad thing or something to be embarrassed about.   I'm hesitant because I feel like it's a group that I don't have the right to say I'm a part of.  When I think of a special needs parent, I think of someone who is strong and calm and not afraid to speak up and speak out.  I think of someone who is put together and is always prepared for whatever of their kids' needs may arise.  I think of someone who can easily lift a wheelchair and any other gear necessary in and out of the car and the house, and who walks with their head held high, ready to go to war for their kid if the need arises.  I think of someone who plows through their day, educating other people and advocating for their kid without hesitation.  Someone who won't hesitate to storm into school or a building and demand that certain supports be put into place for their child.  Someone who navigates doctor's appointments and therapies with ease, and who knows just as much (if not more) about their child's disability and needs than the actual doctor does.  I see someone who is worthy and tough and capable.   

I don't see myself as a special needs mom because I don't think I'm good enough to deserve that title.  They're superheroes and I don't know what the hell I'm doing at any given moment.  Literally, no clue.  I don't know how to respond in situations where my kids' invisible special needs become apparent, and I lose my patience far more than I should.  I get flustered trying to keep appointments and meds and symptoms/behaviors in order.  I don't know the ins and outs of the school system or who I need to contact to get which services.  I had to google the difference between an IEP and a 504 Plan.  Most of the time, I just try to get us all through the day without anyone losing a limb.  I'm not strong or capable or calm or put together.  I'm not worthy.

But.  

I could be.  I don't know what that will look like {because I will never have my shit together like those parents do}, but I'll embrace it. 

Accurate depiction of what it feels like with my kids ;-)