Big Emotions

 10 weeks.  

That's how long it's been since classroom learning ended for the year and distance learning began.  How long it's been since children across the area have seen their friends and teachers in person.  How long it's been since we've been stuck in limbo in our homes.  

7 days.  

That's how long we've got until our school year officially ends.  How long until Gerry is officially a 2nd grader and Bailey is officially a middle schooler.  How long until whatever summer break is supposed to look like begins.  

And I'm so angry.  And sad.  And confused.  A little worried.

I feel like we were cheated out of the end of the school year and all the excitement and happiness that goes along with it.  When distance learning began back in March, I hated it.  With a passion.  I had no clue what I was doing when I began, no clue how to keep my kids focused and actually learning, and no way to tell whether they were actually learning anything or not.  I hated taking hours every day to get my kids distance learning in.  I hated trying to keep the big kids focused on their work while keeping Lincoln and my daycare kid occupied and away from the learning space.  I hated that I had no help from Scott because he was working and doing distance learning lessons and classes for his students.  I just hated it all.  And I hated it every day.  Right up until today.  

This morning we had to return the kids' iPads to school.  We picked up the iPads a few months ago so the kids could use them for their distance learning lessons, and I wasn't quite prepared for how emotional I would feel about returning them.  These iPads were used to complete lessons online, yes, but they were also used for Google class meetings.  Twice a week, the kids were able to meet as a group with their teachers.  They read books, talked about what they've been doing since being at home, played games.  It was a way for everyone to stay connected while not being allowed in the classroom.  It wasn't as good as being in the classroom or being able to play with friends on the playground, but it was the best we were gonna get and my kids looked forward to their meetings every week.

Last Thursday was Gerry's last class meeting on Google.  His teacher read the class a book, the gym teacher played a game with them, and then both teachers talked about how much they were going to miss the kids.  It was really sweet.  Then, as they were all saying their goodbyes for the last time, one of the girls started crying.  Not small tears, but big gasping sobs, and she wouldn't sign off the meeting.  The teacher kept telling her "It's okay, I miss you, I love you, I can't wait to visit you next year" and it hit me just how important this all was for these kids.  

I love our elementary school, everything about it.  The teachers are absolutely phenomenal, the principal is amazing, and there's a comfort and a feeling of welcome and camaraderie that is hard to find in larger schools.  Our school is considered low income and a very large percentage of the kids rely on school for steady meals.  Often, the teacher is their main source of comfort and normalcy from August until June.  This year, though, the kids lost all of that.  Schools closed for the year  due to Covid-19 on March 13th. For a lot of kids, especially those in our town, that was the very last day that anything was "normal" for them.  Quarantine and coronavirus are scary enough for a young child to grasp, but on top of it all many of them lost the only constant in their day to day lives when school closed fairly unexpectedly for the year.  Our district continued to hand out meals daily for every child in the district who needed one, which was amazing.  But human connection is just as important as being fed and these poor kids didn't get that they way they've been used to and I can only imagine how hard it's been for them.

The time right after spring break and straight through to the beginning of June is such an exciting time for kids.  The workload is lessening, it's getting warmer and sunnier outside, and there's just a general feeling of lightness.  The students and the teachers know that summer break is coming and it makes the next few weeks much more enjoyable.  

In Gerry's final meeting last week, his teacher mentioned something about the kids "coming downstairs" to visit her next year and it really hit me.  It seems so unimportant and not at all a big deal, but once the kids in our elementary hit second grade, their classrooms are all upstairs on the second floor.  Pre-k, Kindergarten, and 1st grade all have their classes on the first floor.  Moving up to the second floor means they're older, they're moving up, they're becoming more responsible.  They're not the "little guys" in the school anymore.  And I didn't even realize it until his teacher said something.

As for Bailey...well, I'm heartbroken for her.  The move from elementary school to middle school is a big deal in our district.  The 4th graders have a day at the end of the year where they get to visit all the teachers in the building to say goodbye.  They go from our tiny elementary school where they've all been together since Kindergarten to the middle school, where FOUR other elementary schools in the district join them.  It's much, much bigger, they have lockers and multiple teachers and more responsibility, and it's just a whole new world for them that they're missing out on getting acclimated to this year.  They have a day where they ride the bus to the middle school and get to spend the day shadowing a student, checking out the cafeteria and the lockers and the gym and pool.  This year, they had to settle for a virtual tour on their iPads.  Their teachers have done everything possible to make the end of the year as wonderful as possible for them, but they've all missed out on that sense of closure that comes with a normal ending of the school year.

When the kids all left their classrooms on March 12th, everyone assumed they'd be back in 2 weeks and would pick up right where they left off.  Instead, coronavirus and quarantine, took that away.  They didn't get to say a proper goodbye and thank you to their teacher or their friends.  They've missed out on the sense of fun and excitement that permeates every school for the last month or so of the year.  They've missed the Father-Daughter Dance, Mother-Son Night, Field Day, field trips, middle school visits ,Moving Up Ceremony, and weeks and weeks of fun and memories with friends with whom they've spent the majority of their awake hours for the last 4 years and who they may not get a chance to really get to know in their middle school years.  And that breaks my heart, especially for the 4th graders and their teachers. {Seniors...oh my goodness, Seniors. I can’t even begin to imagine how shitty this is for you. You have my sincerest sympathy.}

And, yeah, in the grand scheme of things this is just a blip on the radar and so many others have it worse.  But as a mom?  As the one who raised these kids from birth until this very moment, and been there for all the moments in between?  These moments are everything.  And I feel like we've all been cheated out of them this year, and writing about it is how I'm dealing with my emotions about it without completely losing my shit. This morning I traded in the kids' iPads for bags of their belongings that were left in their desks and classrooms when school closed unexpectedly this year.  Those bags were yet another reminder of what we've all missed out on. 

I know that a few years from now we'll remember 2020 and make jokes about how we were all quarantined for a few months of it.  These moments that feel so big right now won't be such a big deal then, and we'll (hopefully) be able to laugh at how silly and over-the-top we made it all out to be.  But right now, these emotions are still big, and the loss is still fresh, and I've learned that when it all feels too heavy to go through sometimes the only thing to do is to embrace the emotion and hang on until you're through it.  So here we are, just hanging on.  

Quarantine

 Last time I blogged here was Gerry's birthday, way back in January.  Shortly after that, the world went to hell in a handbasket and I've just not been in the right frame of mind (or had a moment truly to myself) to write here.  4 months later, we seem to have more of a handle on things and here I am.  

Shortly after Gerry turned 7 (beginning of January), I started paying attention to rumblings I was hearing in the news about a new virus called Covid-19 or Coronavirus.  It had started in China and there was talk of it making its way to the US, but no one here seemed too concerned.  A lot of people said it was like the flu and no big deal.  A lot of people said the chances of it making its way here were slim and, even if it did, there wouldn't be that much hardship.  

Late February/early March, I started hearing even more about coronavirus.  Countries were being decimated by the virus, closing their borders, quarantining their people, and putting heavy restrictions in place.  Facebook was flooded with posts by people in other countries who were a few weeks ahead of us in terms of virus timeline.  These people urged the rest of us to take this seriously, to social distance, to play it very safe so that our country wasn't hit as hard as theirs were.  

Early in March, I heard about how areas near us were being hit hard by the virus.  People were walking around asymptomatic, going about their normal routine and unwittingly passing the virus on to everyone they came into contact with, who passed it along to everyone they came into contact with and so on.  There is no vaccine and very little was known about prevention and how it would affect certain people.  I got an email from the kids' school just checking to see if we had internet and computer access at home "in the event that distance learning may occur".  

Friday, March 13th....we were officially in the midst of a global pandemic.  Press conferences were being held all over the place, thousands were dying by the day, and entire regions were being shut down by the government.  That afternoon, our governor announced via press conference that all schools in our region would close for the next two weeks to sanitize and help combat the effects of Covid-19.  My kids were thrilled to have a random few weeks off in the middle of the year.  Little did they know, March 13th would be the last day they left their classrooms this school year.

Following the governor's orders, I shut down my daycare for 2 weeks, too, with plans to reopen on Monday, March 30th.  Because of Spring Break, the kids were home until the second week of April.  I went from having 8 kids in my daycare to having 1.  As of this posting, I've officially lost 3 kids as a direct result of the pandemic, and all but one have stayed home since March 13th.  

Our county was placed under a Stay Home order.  Businesses and churches and daycares closed and only those deemed essential were allowed to remain open.  People were required to wear face masks when leaving their homes, and households were quarantined.  Employees were required to work from home whenever possible.  Playgrounds were roped off, previously planned activities were cancelled.  Our country was, for all intents and purposes, shut down.

Then came the announcement that schools would be closed for the rest of the school year.  Just like that, millions of parents and caregivers became homeschool teachers as our kids began distance learning.  It's been...an adjustment.  Not necessarily a bad one for us, but that's a post for another time.  

My kids have had to adjust to being homeschooled and not seeing their friends or teachers.  We haven't been to a playground or the movies or to the mall since March.  Birthday parties have been cancelled and we've been having birthday "drive-bys" instead to minimize contact.  Doctors visits have become "telehealth visits" where, instead of going to the doctor's office patients stay home and video call with their physicians.  Toilet paper and hand sanitizer were a hot commodity and sold out in most places for months.  Customers were limited to a certain amount they could purchase at a time so that there would be some for everyone.  For a little while, sidewalk chalk was hard to come by after viral posts popped up from parents who used chalk and painter's tape to keep their kids entertained outside for more than a few minutes.  

It's been such a strange time, but we're slowly getting back to (what is now) normal.  Our county is set to open in the yellow phase of quarantine by June 5th.  This means fewer restrictions in place.  We're not fully open yet and it will be a few more weeks before we're in the green phase of reopening, but we're getting there.  Eventually, I'll write a post about how the quarantine affected us personally, but for now, this is what I've got.  It's been an odd few months, but we're slowly working our way back.  

Happy 7th Birthday, Gerry!

 We have a 7 year old!

I always get a little sad when my kids have a birthday.  I imagine I always will to an extent.  The passing of time and all that.  So I'm just going to leave this here.

Happy, happy birthday my Gerry.  I love more than you could ever possibly know.

A Very Merry Christmas

As always, the holidays just flew by this year.  I'd like to say that we packed as much holiday cheer into the last few weeks as possible, and maybe we did.  But the mom in me feels like we didn't do enough.




We watched all the Christmas movies...in between the kids' YouTube obsessions.  We went to the Tree Lighting Ceremony and took our annual "Picture with 5th Street Santa" photo.  We went out of our way each time we drove somewhere at night, just so we could see the "good" Christmas lights.  We drank hot chocolate and made gingerbread houses and made lists and saw Santa Claus.

And, before we knew it the kids were tearing into their presents on Christmas morning.

Christmas this year was ALL about technology for us.  Scott and I gave each other smart watches, Gerry got an iPod Touch (yes, they still make those), and Bailey got herself an iPhone {more on this in another post}.

I blinked a few times and the entire holiday was over.  Just like that.

Next up...Gerry's birthday.

Conferences

Bailey and Gerry had conferences last week, and they were amazing.

{Before I continue, I should probably catch us all up to speed since it's been so long since I regularly posted here.  Bailey is 9 years old and in 4th grade.  Gerry is almost 7 and in 1st grade.}

Honestly, I never have worries about conferences with either kid.  They're both intelligent hard workers, and are respectful in the classroom (they save their crazy for at home).  Their character is and always has been more important to me than their grades.  That being said, holy moly, do they impress me in the classroom!

Bailey's conference was first.  She's my independent worker.  She very rarely needs help with homework, and it frustrates her when she does need some help.  She's been reading at a mid-5th grade level since 3rd grade and she exceeded the 1,000 sight words that they need to know back in 2nd grade.  She's very smart when it comes to language arts and reading.  Math is her favorite subject, but not her strongest.  4th grade math is a whole different ball game and, while she does well, she's not quite as confident in that area as she is in language arts.  But she's still doing great and her teacher says she'll have no problem adjusting to academics in the middle school next year.  

Her teacher says that she's polite, respectful, and doesn't treat any of her peers differently.  She works well with others and she's helpful without being condescending.  They say that she's funny without even trying to be sometimes and that she actively participates in the classroom.

Gerry's conference was next.  He was diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome over the summer so we've been adjusting to and navigating the different behaviors that go along with it.  Like Bailey, he's very smart.  He's reading at a mid-1st grade level and he knows 910 sight words, which is amazing.  To put it into perspective, first graders should know 50 sight words by the end of the year; Gerry knows 910 in the first marking period.  Math is his strong suit these days, and his area of confidence.  His teacher says that he's also respectful and a hard worker, and that he's kind to all of the kids in the class.  The only thing she'd like him to work on is advocating for himself more in the classroom.  She said that Gerry is very hesitant to ask for help and, more often than not, he waits for the teacher to catch his eye before signaling that he needs a hand.  She'd like for him to become more comfortable with raising his hand and letting her know that he's struggling.

All in all, two very awesome report cards and conferences.  I'm a proud mom!

That Time I Blogged

Remember that time that I blogged regularly?  Before I had 3 kids and ran a home daycare and literally had no time to myself?

{I think} I'M BACK!

For now.  For today.  Because here's the thing.  My kids are crazy, and they keep me busy 99% of every day.  And the 1% that I actually have to myself is typically spent either sleeping or thinking about sleeping.  So.  Not a whole lot of writing has been happening (unless you follow me on Facebook, in which case you know that I'm on there all the time), but I'm hoping to carve out a little bit of time each day to keep this space updated, because I really miss it.

That being said, have you noticed anything different?  I renamed and revamped a little bit.  Still the same old me, still blogging about my kids and life and whatnot, but things are a bit different around here and I feel like a new "look" will better reflect that.

For starters, I still love my kids, but ten years and three tiny (but adorable) derelicts will change a girl.  Motherhood isn't all sweet-smelling babies and smiley fall days at the pumpkin patch.  It sucks a lot of the time.  We're in a tough season right now.  I'm pretty sure that both of my boys can be considered feral.  I know that Lincoln broke me (along with 80% of the things in my house) and I'm fairly certain that his goal every day is to see what trouble he can get into.  Gerry is newly diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome, which presents its own set of challenges.  And Bailey is running headfirst into her tween years, and she's textbook "hormonal young girl".  There's no rest and, nothing stays clean or in one piece for very long, and, in the words of the illustrious Taylor Swift, 'this is why we can't have nice things'.

But we're fun, most of the time.  So there's that.  

So feel free to follow along on this new trajectory.  Catch up on old posts and look for new ones.  Because Lord knows I need an outlet!

Hey, Professor!

Sooooo, Lincoln's wearing glasses these days.

We've had them almost two months now and he's doing great with them!  Bailey and Gerry never had vision problems, and our doctor never mentioned anything about Linc's eyes at any of his check-ups, so when we started noticing his left eye going wonky I just thought he was being silly.  

Bailey was actually the first one to notice it.  Can you see in the picture above how his left eye is kind of drifting inward towards his nose?  At first, he was only doing it once in awhile and I thought he was being his usual goofy self.  But then I started seeing it happen more frequently.  And other people noticed it, too.  So I made him an appointment with an opthalmologist that a friend recommended and off we went.

The appointment was something of a disaster.  I went in with pictures to show the doctor, a family history of vision problems, and some questions.  The doctor wouldn't even do a pupil dilation because he "didn't want to make a baby angry".  He looked at Lincoln for a few minutes and told me that what we were seeing was "nothing more than an optical illusion", that Lincoln just hadn't grown into the bridge of his nose yet, and that it only looked like his eye was crossing.  

I left that appointment with more questions than answers.  

So I called Wills Eye and got him an appointment with one of their eye doctors.  Interestingly enough, it's the same doctor that both my sister and I saw when we had vision problems, about 30 years ago (small world, huh?).  Dr. Nelson was great.  He performed a quick and painless eye exam, complete with pupil dilation, and he was quick and efficient about it.  He took his time, listened to my questions, and confirmed that I wasn't going crazy and that the other doctor was basically a quack.  Turns out Lincoln is very farsighted in both eyes and basically hasn't been able to see a damn thing for most of his little life.  So, for the forseeable future, my baby is in glasses.  And he's one damn adorable bespectacled boy.  

Day one in glasses was a little bit rough.  When we put them on him in the store, he just looked around in wonder and didn't touch them.  Once we were home, it was a different story.  He kept yanking them off and throwing them around.  Trying to keep the patch on was a complete joke.  

But by the second day, I think he realized that he could actually see when he was wearing them, and he's been great about it ever since.  He does take them off when he's angry or having a tantrum, but for the most part he keeps them on all day.  The tough part is finding a pair that he can't or won't destroy.  He prefers round frames (I think because those lenses cover more of his eye so he doesn't have to work as hard to look out of them), but the optical stores in our area aren't very "baby-friendly" so our frames options are limited.  We only get one pair a year with our insurance (technically, 2 pair because I went to America's Best and they have the "2 pair for $69" deal going, but I know we're going to need extra.  We're already down to just one pair right now because the lens keeps popping out of the other pair.

It's going really well.  And I think he's adorable in his glasses.  

I'm Back!

You guys...it's been FOREVER since I've gotten a minute to myself to update this blog. But now the kids are back in school and my daycare load is a bit lighter and I can actually think. So much has happened since I last posted that I'm not even going to try and remember everything, so here's a quick recap. 



Bailey turned 7 this past summer. She started 2nd grade last week, and is becoming her own person. She knows what she likes and what she doesn't like, has her own sense of style, and keeps me on my toes daily.

She started cheerleading this year and she loves it!  She says she wants to do it all through high school, and I'm all for it if she enjoys it.

 

 
Gerry is 4 now, and is my little hellion these days. He just started Pre-K last week and is doing well so far. {fingers crossed!}. He's got a crush on his teacher and a girlfriend in his class and I honestly don't know how I'm gonna deal as he grows up.

Right now, we're stuck in the "penis talk and fart jokes" stage and, I've got to admit, I'm not loving it. I live in a constant state of fear about what may come out of his mouth and I'm praying that this won't last much longer.

Rambunctious hell-raising aside, he's still a total sweetheart at times. He's really learned the art of giving a compliment and I often hear him telling Bailey that she's beautiful and sweet. He finished up his first season of t-ball and says he wants to play soccer next.

 Lincoln...oh, my Lincoln. He's 17 months old now and is by far the most difficult of my three kids. He's a little giant (seriously...the size of a 3 year old) and he's crazy strong and stubborn as hell. He's a little bad ass. He also wears glasses.

He's silly and funny and, oh my goodness, does he make me smile. He's definitely a handful but I wouldn't have it any other way.

                   ******************************************************

Bailey's 7th birthday party

Uncle TJ and Aunt Molly got married!

'Til next time!

Happy 4th Birthday, Gerry!

I can't believe my boy is 4 years old!  It went so fast, and I'm constantly amazed at Gerry's sense of humor and how he makes his presence known.

He's in a  phase now where "potty talk" is just hilarious.  He constantly blurts out words like "Fart!", "Toot!", "Poop!" and then cracks up afterward.  It's decidedly not my favorite time, and I'm hoping it passes quickly.

He's still all about making people smile and laugh.  Gerry's got the sweetest, goofiest personality, and he loves it when something that he does causes other people to laugh.

He's becoming more self-aware these days, and expressing himself more.  Lately, he's been wanting to "gel his hair like a rock star" (which is crazy difficult because his hair is so damn thick and I have yet to find a gel that will actually hold for more than a few minutes), and he prefers to walk around with no shirt on.  He's huge into Superheroes and Spider-Man is his favorite these days.  We had family over for cake and coffee tonight, and he asked if I could make him a Spider-Man cake.  It wasn't perfect, but I tried and he loved it.

He woke up this morning to a room full of balloons and a small present from us...superhero play-doh!  Then he got to spend the day with his daycare friends, who sang happy birthday and ate cupcakes with him.  I pretty much let him do whatever he wanted for the day (it was his birthday, after all!), and then all the grandparents and cousins came over that night to celebrate again.  He had a great day, and he was SO EXCITED to see everybody tonight!

The balloons might have been for Gerry's birthday, but they sure kept Lincoln entertained for awhile!

Gerry asked for a bowling party this year, and we've got that scheduled for Saturday.  He's crazy excited because he gets to celebrate again with all of his non-daycare friends and he gets to go bowling, which he loves.  I love, love, love that he doesn't hold back his happiness or excitement, and I can't wait to see his reaction at the party on Saturday.

I still can't believe that this boy is 4 years old already.  It's going too fast for my liking...the video below is one I made from some of my favorite pictures over the years.  :-)

Holidays 2016

You guys.  This whole "having 3 kids" thing is seriously cutting into my blogging time.  I've got quite a bit to catch up on, so here goes.

We started a new holiday tradition.  Every year, on the Saturday after Thanksgiving, the town holds a Tree Lighting Ceremony.  There's music, cookies and hot chocolate, fireworks, Santa, and they light the big tree by the police station.  In all the years we've lived here, this is the first time Scott and I have ever gone and we loved it!  We bundled the kids up and met up with some friends, and they had such a good time.  The kids got to shake Santa's hand, which was just pure magic for them, they danced and goofed around with their friends, and we watched the fireworks after the tree was lit.  I can't believe we haven't gone before, and we'll definitely be making it a tradition from now on.

Santa came to town!

Lincoln, Maddie, Bailey, Gerry, and Gavin

We shook Santa's hand!

More friends!  Chase and Addie were at the tree lighting!

We had all of our friends over for a Pajamas and Gingerbread Cookie Decorating party.  And the kids had a blast!  Everyone wore their jammies, I set out all kinds of cookie toppings, and the kids went to town.  It was messy but so much fun and I know we all loved getting together with some of our favorite people.

We decorated for Christmas.  And it looked fabulous...for less than a day.  Lincoln was a beast this year, so much worse about getting into things than Bailey and Gerry ever were, and he tore the tree up.  Everything he could get his hands on was fair game and by Christmas our beautiful tree looked like it had been attacked by some feral creature.  Which, I mean...I guess it was.

Bailey and Gerry were in a Christmas pageant at church.  Bailey was part of the Cherub Choir with her cousin Maddy, Gerry was an animal (he chose to be a donkey), and Karley played the Angel Gabriel (on Drew's shoulders).  It was adorable and they were so excited to be a part of it!

This was the best one I could get of Bailey...those cherubs move fast!

Gerry the donkey...blurry because he's never ever still.  ;-)

Karley as the Angel Gabriel.  And Drew underneath her gown holding her on his shoulders.  

We sat on Santa's lap.  And there were no tears!  Lincoln was completely, 110% uninterested in any of it, but Bailey and Gerry were in awe.  If you look closely, Bailey got to sit on Santa's knee and Gerry got to hold his magic keys!  They were so excited!

Their shirts say "Never naughty, always nice"

We were sick for Christmas.  Every last one of us caught a stomach bug this year, and it was awful.  Luckily, Lincoln caught it the day before Christmas Eve and it was fairly fast-moving, so he was okay for Christmas.  But...man...he threw up all night long and it was just the worst.  Scott and I got no sleep, I ended up covered in baby vomit multiple times, and Lincoln freaked out because he didn't know what the hell was going on and was choking on his own puke half the time.  Gerry was the next to get hit.  He woke up at 3am Christmas morning, came into our bedroom, and threw up on my shoulder.  Talk about a nice wake-up call.  The poor kid spent the next 24 hours puking in between opening presents and playing with his new toys.  Bailey and I were next, and it wasn't pretty.  We both got hit with it at the same time, which made for some pretty interesting bathroom trips.  We were both violently ill Christmas night and through the next day.  There came a point where Bailey was on the toilet and I was throwing up in the tub at the same time where I just laid my head down and though, "You know what?  I've lived a good life.  Bring on death!"  It was that bad.  The day after, I felt like I'd been hit by a bus.  I was so exhausted I couldn't even get out of bed and the one time I managed to drag my ass downstairs wore me out so much that all I could do was lay on the couch.  The kids were such troopers through it all, though.  There were no freak-outs, not much complaining.  They just went about their business in the midst of being sick, and I'm kind of in awe of how well they all handled it.  It was definitely not the greatest holiday we've ever had.  But, we were together and Scott and I got to watch our kids' eyes light up when they saw their presents under the tree Christmas morning, and Lincoln had a pretty decent first Christmas.  Not half bad.  :-)

Now that Christmas is over, I'm in the depressed funk that I go through every year at this time and I'm just trying to power through it.  New Year's is in a few days, and I'm hoping that 2017 is good to us.  I know 2016 has been.  Here's to family and good fortune!